Conflict Resolution – The Best Solution
Core Premise
There are three ways people deal with problems: sin, conflict, and truth:
- Avoid it
- Deny it
- Confront it
God consistently models the third path: loving confrontation that leads to repentance and restoration.
Key Foundational Scripture
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. — Proverbs 27:5
Faithful are the wounds of a friend. — Proverbs 27:6
These verses establish that true love confronts rather than avoids.
1. Avoiding the Problem
Avoidance is one of the most common human responses. People avoid conflict because of:
- Fear
- Discomfort
- Desire to keep peace
- Reputation concerns
Biblical Example: Eli Avoided Confronting His Sons
Eli knew his sons were corrupt but failed to deal with it strongly.
Now Eli was very old, and he heard everything his sons were doing… But they would not listen to the voice of their father. — 1 Samuel 2:22–25
Because Eli avoided confronting the situation properly:
I told him that I would judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them. — 1 Samuel 3:13
Teaching Point
Avoidance allows sin and dysfunction to grow unchecked. Avoiding problems does not create peace — it postpones crisis.
2. Denying the Problem
Denial is when people refuse to acknowledge reality even when it is obvious.
Biblical Example: King Saul Denied His Disobedience
Saul directly disobeyed God's instructions.
Why did you not obey the voice of the Lord? "I have obeyed the voice of the Lord…" — 1 Samuel 15:19–20
Saul initially denied responsibility. But the prophet Samuel confronted him:
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice. — 1 Samuel 15:22
Saul eventually admitted:
I have sinned. — 1 Samuel 15:24
Teaching Point
Denial delays repentance. Until people admit truth, transformation cannot begin.
3. God Confronts the Problem
God repeatedly demonstrates that confrontation is an act of love. From the beginning of Scripture, God confronts sin directly.
Example: God Confronted Adam
After the fall in the Garden of Eden, God asked Adam:
Where are you? — Genesis 3:9
God already knew where Adam was. The question was an invitation to accountability. God then confronted the sin directly:
Have you eaten from the tree which I commanded you not to eat? — Genesis 3:11
Teaching Point
God confronts not to shame people — but to bring them back into relationship.
4. Jesus Modeled Loving Confrontation
Jesus confronted:
- Hypocrisy
- Sin
- Injustice
- Spiritual blindness
Not harshly for the sake of punishment, but for truth and transformation.
Why We Resist Confrontation
- We were brought up to avoid it
- We all have the need to be liked and accepted
- We take responsibility for others' feelings
- The fear of negative consequences
What Makes Communication Go Wrong?
- Language
- Attitude (closed mind)
- Overloads (too much info at once)
- Distractions: noise, interruptions, discomfort
- Info passed through too many channels
- Poor feedback
Bad Communication Techniques
- Silence
- Excuses
- Sarcasm
- Demands
- Personal attacks
- Threats
Communication is Effective When:
- Positive behavior change occurs
- Self-esteem is preserved
- Relationship with the person remains intact
Constructive Confrontation
- Objective description of undesirable behavior
- Listening to the response
- Identification of the expected results
- Commitment or agreement on future behavior
- Schedule follow-up meeting to assess progress
Preparing for Communication
- Prepare yourself — maintain control of emotions
- Rehearse what you will say
- Monitor your:
- Voice tone
- Facial expression
- Body language
- Be prepared to listen