The Power of Agreement in Marriage

The Power of Agreement in Marriage

Introduction

"But if you do marry, you have not sinned [in doing so]; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned [in doing so]. Yet those [who marry] will have troubles (special challenges) in this life, and I am trying to spare you that." (1 Corinthians 7:28, AMP)

Everyone say: It's Going To Take Work.

The Reality of Perpetual Problems

The Gottman Institute research found that 69% of relationship conflict stems from "perpetual problems"—issues rooted in personality differences or lifestyle needs that never truly go away. Rather than trying to solve these, successful couples learn to manage them with humor and dialogue, preventing gridlock and fostering acceptance.

You must:

• Endure
• Ignore
• And try to Cure

All marriages have some of these.

Love brings you together—agreement moves you forward.

Marriage does not fail because couples stop loving each other. Many marriages stall because couples stop agreeing.

You can be married, live in the same house, share the same bed, raise the same kids, and still be moving in opposite directions.

Opening Question

"How powerful would your marriage be if you and your spouse were fully aligned?"

The Financial Power of Agreement

Couples who agree financially:

• Earn more
• Save more
• Build wealth faster
• Experience less stress

It's not because they make more money individually. It's because agreement multiplies effort.

The Story of the Clydesdales: The Numbers One vs Two

• One Horse: A single, fully grown Clydesdale can pull roughly 8,000 pounds.
• Two Horses (Un-trained): Intuitively, one might expect two horses to pull 16,000 pounds. However, when paired together, they can actually pull up to 22,000–24,000 pounds.
• Two Horses (Trained Together): When two Clydesdales are properly trained to work in harmony, their combined power increases to an incredible 32,000 pounds—four times the weight a single horse can pull.

Choose Your Household

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." (Joshua 24:15, NIV)

Agreement doesn't remove differences—it gives differences a shared purpose. When couples agree on the vision, decisions become easier.

The Thermostat Story

There comes a time in every couple's life where one of you is hot and one of you is cold. Every couple knows that moment. One person is freezing. The other is sweating. One quietly turns the thermostat up. Five minutes later, the other silently turns it back down.

It's not really about the temperature, is it? It's about agreement.

1. Agreement Is Required for Direction

"Do two men walk together unless they have made an appointment and agreed?" (Amos 3:3, AMP)

Marriage is not just walking together—it's walking toward the same destination.

You can't build a business, a family, or a future if one spouse is pulling forward and the other is pulling sideways.

You can't move forward together if you're pulling in opposite directions.

Pulling in the same direction equals progress. Pulling in opposite directions equals exhaustion.

2. Regular Check-Ins Prevent Drift

Walking together means occasionally asking, "Are we still going the same way?"

Agreement isn't a one-time decision; it's an ongoing conversation. Consider having a weekly meeting.

3. Agreement Unlocks Heaven's Response

"Again, I say to you, that if two believers on earth agree... it will be done for them by My Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:19, AMP)

"When two or three of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action." (Matthew 18:19, MSG)

This verse is often quoted for church prayer, but it applies powerfully to marriage.

When a husband and wife agree on:

• Prayer
• Vision
• Finances
• Discipline
• Purpose

Heaven responds.

Disagreement delays answers. Agreement accelerates answers.

If I want to go south and my spouse wants to go north and we are both pulling, we will go nowhere or someone is going to be dragged.

4. Agreement Begins with Listening, Not Winning

Many couples pray for blessings while privately fighting each other. God honors unity, not just words.

You can't negotiate with God. "Well Lord, as long as my husband does what I want him to do and says what I want him to say, then I will be in agreement with him." You can't have a Burger King God. You can't have it your way. It's God's way.

"I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought." (1 Corinthians 1:10, NIV)

Unity is built through intentional communication.

Most conflicts aren't about right or wrong—they're about being heard. Unity grows when both voices matter.

5. Choose Unity Over Ego

Agreement doesn't mean:

• You always think the same
• You never disagree
• You avoid conflict

It means you've decided: "No matter what, we move forward together."

That's the power of agreement.

You can be right and still be divided. Agreement requires humility—sometimes saying, "Let's protect us, not my pride."

E-easing G-God O-Out

6. Decide What Matters Most

Not every issue deserves a battle. Strong couples learn to distinguish between preferences and principles.

The Kayaking Story

We decided to go kayaking with friends in Jamaica. Each of us had a paddle. At first we weren't in sync. I wanted him to listen to me, and he wanted me to listen to him. At one point we were going in a circle and another time we weren't stable on the kayak. But when we started agreeing on the rhythm of our paddling and the direction we were going, we started moving and picking up speed.

If one rows forward and the other rows backward, the boat spins in circles with lots of effort, no progress.

Agreement doesn't mean equal strength. It means equal commitment.

Closing

Today, God isn't asking us to be identical. He's asking us to be aligned. Because when we agree, we move. When we agree, we grow. And when we agree, God steps in and does what we could never do alone.

Let's choose agreement.

Discussion Questions

1. Pulling in Opposite Directions: The sermon illustrates that when couples pull in opposite directions, they experience exhaustion instead of progress. In what area of your marriage are you and your spouse currently pulling in different directions (finances, parenting, career decisions, spiritual practices, lifestyle choices)? What would it look like to have an honest conversation about aligning in that area this week?
2. The Clydesdale Principle: Two Clydesdales trained together can pull 32,000 pounds—four times what one horse can pull alone. This illustrates that agreement multiplies effort. Where in your marriage have you seen the multiplication effect of agreement? Conversely, where are you experiencing the exhaustion of working against each other instead of with each other? What specific step can you take to move from individual effort to unified power?
3. Heaven's Response to Agreement: Matthew 18:19 teaches that when two believers agree on earth, the Father in heaven goes into action. The sermon states, "Disagreement delays answers. Agreement accelerates answers." What prayer or vision have you and your spouse been praying about separately that needs to become a prayer of agreement? What conversation do you need to have to get on the same page so heaven can respond?
4. Listening vs. Winning: The message teaches that "most conflicts aren't about right or wrong—they're about being heard" and that "unity grows when both voices matter." Think about your last disagreement with your spouse. Were you more focused on being heard or on hearing them? Were you trying to win or trying to understand? What would change if you approached your next conflict with the goal of listening rather than winning?
5. Preferences vs. Principles: The sermon teaches that "not every issue deserves a battle" and that "strong couples learn to distinguish between preferences and principles." Looking at your current areas of disagreement, which are truly about core principles (faith, values, morality) and which are simply about preferences (styles, methods, tastes)? What battles do you need to stop fighting so you can save your energy for what truly matters? What does it look like to "protect us, not my pride" in your marriage this week?