Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands

Life On Offense – Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands

Let's Do A Quick Review

#1 Offenses Are Coming | Luke 17:1-2 (NKJV)

Jesus Warns of Offenses

1 Then He said to the disciples, "It is impossible that no [a]offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! 2 It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

#2 What is offense?

In the Bible, "offense" refers to anything that causes someone to stumble, sin, or turn away from God. It encompasses both the act of causing someone to stumble and the resulting negative consequences. Offense can lead to bitterness, hatred, and even eternal consequences if not addressed properly.

Process of Offense

A. Something happens B. I perceive or feel wronged C. As a result I take offense D. I become offended E. Offense is unresolved F. This leads to anger, resentment, and bitterness and the plotting of revenge

Proverbs 18:19 (AMP)

A brother offended is harder to win over than a fortified city, And contentions [separating families] are like the bars of a castle.

#3 We Fall Short

• Let's not stay in victim mode, like we have never hurt anybody

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 (AMP)

21 Also, do not take seriously everything that is said, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you, 22 for you also know that you too have cursed others many times.

• Look at your neighbor behind you and say, "I know you've been talking behind my back

The Bible shows us that offense is not just a feeling—it's a seed that, if left unchecked, can grow into rebellion and destruction. One of the clearest examples of this is the life of Absalom, David's son.

Let's walk through his story and see how his offense played out—and learn how we can avoid the same trap.

#1 The Seed Of Offense | 2 Samuel 13:1-22 (AMP)

1 It happened afterwards that Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon [her half brother] the son of David was in love with her. 2 Amnon was so frustrated because of his [half-] sister Tamar that he made himself sick, for she was a virgin, and Amnon thought it impossible for him to do anything to her. 3 But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David's brother; and Jonadab was a very shrewd (cunning) man.

• Your life is based on voices and choices

• Be clear who you allow in your ear

4 He said to Amnon, "Why are you, the king's son, so depressed morning after morning? Will you not tell me?" And Amnon said to him, "I am in love with Tamar, my [half-] brother Absalom's sister." 5 Jonadab said to him, "Go to bed and pretend you are sick; and when your father [David] comes to see you, say to him, 'Just let my sister Tamar come and serve me food, and let her prepare it in my sight, so that I may see it and eat it from her hand.'" 6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick; and when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, "Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, so that I may eat from her hand." 7 Then David sent word to the house for Tamar, saying, "Go now to your brother Amnon's house, and prepare some food for him." 8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house, and he was in bed. And she took dough and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and baked them. 9 She took the pan and dished them out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, "Have everyone leave me." So everyone left him [except Tamar]. 10 Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food into the bedroom, so that I may eat from your hand." So Tamar took the cakes she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her [half-] brother Amnon. 11 When she brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said, "Come, lie with me, my sister." 12 She replied, "No, my brother! Do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing! 13 As for me, how could I get rid of my shame and disgrace? And you, you will be considered one of the fools in Israel. So now, just speak to the king [about taking me as your wife], for he will not withhold me from you." 14 But he would not listen to her; and since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.

15 Then Amnon became extremely hateful toward her, for his hatred toward her was greater than the love which he had for her. And Amnon said to her, "Get up and get out!" 16 But she said, "No, because this wrong of sending me away is worse than the other that you have done to me!" But he would not listen to her. 17 Instead, he called his young man who was his personal servant and said, "Now throw this woman out of my presence and bolt the door behind her." 18 Now Tamar was wearing a [long-sleeved] robe of various colors; for that is how the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then Amnon's personal servant took her out and bolted the door behind her. 19 So Tamar put dust on her head [in grief] and tore the long-sleeved robe which she had on, and she put her hand on her head and went away crying out [for help]. 20 So her brother Absalom said to her, "Has your brother Amnon been with you? But now keep silent, my sister; he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart." So Tamar remained secluded in her brother Absalom's house. 21 Now when King David heard about all these things, he was very angry [but failed to take any action]. 22 But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.

• David got angry but took no action.

• Absalom stayed silent, but in his heart a seed was planted.

• Every offense begins as a seed. If you don't deal with it, it grows.

• Absalom never confronted Amnon. He never confronted David. He just went silent. For two years, he carried that wound.

• Silence is not healing. Suppressing offense only makes it stronger.

#2 Why David Did Nothing | 2 Samuel 11:2-8 (AMP)

2 One evening David got up from his couch and was walking on the [flat] roof of the king's palace, and from there he saw a woman bathing; and she was very beautiful in appearance. 3 David sent word and inquired about the woman. Someone said, "Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" 4 David sent messengers and took her. When she came to him, he lay with her. And when she was purified from her uncleanness, she returned to her house. 5 The woman conceived; and she sent word and told David, "I am pregnant."

• The Daughter Of Eliam

• Eliam, Bathsheba's father, is identified as one of David's mighty men (2 Samuel 23:34), indicating Bathsheba's connection to David's inner circle. This connection underscores the personal betrayal involved in David's actions. Eliam's father, Ahithophel, was a counselor to David, whose later betrayal (2 Samuel 15:31) may have been influenced by David's sin with Bathsheba. This familial link highlights the far-reaching consequences of sin, affecting not only individuals but entire families and communities.

#3 The Scheme of Offense | 2 Samuel 13:24-30 (AMP)

24 Absalom came to [his father] the king and said, "Behold, your servant has sheepshearers; please let the king and his servants go with your servant." 25 But the king said to Absalom, "No, my son, we should not all go, for we will be a burden to you." Although Absalom [strongly] urged David, still he would not go, but he gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, "If not, then at least let my brother Amnon go with us." And the king said to him, "Why should he go with you?" 27 But Absalom urged him [again], and he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him.

28 Now Absalom commanded his servants, "Notice carefully, when Amnon's heart is joyous with wine, and when I say to you, 'Strike Amnon,' then kill him. Do not be afraid; have I not commanded you myself [and in doing so have I not taken full responsibility for his death]? Be courageous and brave." 29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon just as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons got up, and every man mounted his mule and fled.

30 Now it happened while they were on the way [back home], that the [exaggerated] report came to David, "Absalom has killed all the king's sons, and not one of them is left." 31 Then the king stood and tore his clothes and lay on the ground [in mourning]; and all his servants were standing by with their clothes torn. 32 But Jonadab the son of Shimeah, David's brother, responded, "Do not let my lord assume that all the king's sons have been put to death; for only Amnon is dead. This act of revenge has been on Absalom's mind since the day Amnon violated his sister Tamar. 33 So now, do not let my lord the king take the report to heart that all the king's sons are dead; for Amnon alone is dead."

34 Now Absalom fled. And the young man who kept watch looked up, and behold, many people were coming from the road behind him by the side of the mountain. 35 And Jonadab said to the king, "Look, the king's sons are coming. It has turned out just as your servant said." 36 And when he finished speaking, the king's sons came, and they raised their voices and wept; and the king and all his servants also wept very bitterly. 37 But Absalom fled and went to [his mother's father] Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there for three years. 39 And the heart of King David longed to go to Absalom; for he was comforted regarding Amnon, since he was dead.

#4 The Separation of Offense | 2 Samuel 14:24 (AMP) | 2 Samuel 14:28 (AMP)

• After Amnon's death, Absalom fled. Eventually, he returned, but David refused to see him for years. Father and son were living in the same city, but still estranged.

2 Samuel 14:24 (AMP)

24 However, the king said, "Let him go to his own house, and do not let him see my face." So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the king's face.

2 Samuel 14:28 (AMP)

28 Absalom lived two full years in Jerusalem, without seeing the king's face.

• Lesson: Offense always creates distance—between friends, spouses, church members, and even leaders.

2 Samuel 15:1-6 (MSG)

1-2 As time went on, Absalom took to riding in a horse-drawn chariot, with fifty men running in front of him. Early each morning he would take up his post beside the road at the city gate. When anyone showed up with a case to bring to the king for a decision, Absalom would call him over and say, "Where do you hail from?"And the answer would come, "Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel." 3-6 Then Absalom would say, "Look, you've got a strong case; but the king isn't going to listen to you." Then he'd say, "Why doesn't someone make me a judge for this country? Anybody with a case could bring it to me and I'd settle things fair and square." Whenever someone would treat him with special honor, he'd shrug it off and treat him like an equal, making him feel important. Absalom did this to everyone who came to do business with the king and stole the hearts of everyone in Israel.

#5 The Stronghold of Offense | 2 Samuel 15:10 (NLT)

10 But while he was there, he sent secret messengers to all the tribes of Israel to stir up a rebellion against the king. "As soon as you hear the ram's horn," his message read, "you are to say, 'Absalom has been crowned king in Hebron.'"

#6 The Shame of Offense | 2 Samuel 18:9-15 (AMP)

9 Now Absalom met the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a massive tree, and his head was caught in [the thick branches of] the tree; and he was left hanging [in midair] between heaven and earth, while the mule that had been under him kept going. 10 A certain man saw it and informed Joab, saying, "I saw Absalom hanging in a tree." 11 Joab said to the man who informed him, "You saw him! Why then did you not strike him there to the ground? I would have given you ten pieces of silver and a belt." 12 The man told Joab, "Even if I were to feel the weight of a thousand pieces of silver in my hands, I would not put out my hand against the king's son; for we all heard the king command you, Abishai, and Ittai, saying, 'Protect the young man Absalom, for my sake.' 13 Otherwise, if I had acted treacherously against his life (for nothing is hidden from the king) you yourself would have taken sides against me." 14 Joab said, "I will not waste time with you." So he took three spears in his hand and thrust them through the heart of Absalom while he was still alive [and caught] in the midst of the tree. 15 And ten young men, Joab's armor bearers, surrounded and struck Absalom and killed him.

• In battle, Absalom's long hair—the very symbol of his pride—got caught in a tree. He was left hanging, and Joab killed him.

• Lesson: The very thing you cling to in pride can destroy you. Absalom's offense ended in shame and death.

Wisdom Keys

WISDOM KEY #1 - Recognize Offense Early – Don't Let Bitterness Take Root | Matthew 18:15 (MSG)

15-17 "If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won't listen, tell the church. If he won't listen to the church, you'll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God's forgiving love.

WISDOM KEY #2 - Release Offense Quickly – Forgive, Even Without Apology | Colossians 3:13 (NLT)

13 Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

WISDOM KEY #3 - Refuse to Let Offense Rule – Don't Let Bitterness Become Your King | Hebrews 12:15 (NLT)

14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. 15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.

WISDOM KEY #4 - Run to Jesus for Healing – Only God Can Truly Bind Up the Brokenhearted | Psalm 147:3 (AMP)

3 He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow].

Psalms 119:165 - Those who love the Lord, shall not be offended

Discussion Questions

1. The notes state: "Your life is based on voices and choices. Be clear who you allow in your ear." How did Jonadab's bad counsel lead to Amnon's sin? Who are you allowing to speak into your life?
2. Absalom stayed silent for two years after Tamar's violation. The notes say, "Silence is not healing. Suppressing offense only makes it stronger." What's the difference between processing hurt quietly versus suppressing it?
3. David "got angry but took no action" when he heard about Tamar. How did David's failure to act justice create the conditions for Absalom's revenge? What's a leader's responsibility when someone under their care is hurt?
4. The teaching suggests David didn't confront Amnon because of his own guilt with Bathsheba. How does unresolved sin in our own lives paralyze us from addressing sin in others?
5. The notes compare offense to "blowing up a balloon—every thought adds more air until it pops." How does rehearsing offense in our minds make it grow? What can we do to stop inflating it?
6. Absalom waited two full years before taking revenge on Amnon. What does this teach us about how offense can operate under the surface, even when someone appears fine?
7. After returning to Jerusalem, Absalom and David lived in the same city for two years without seeing each other. How does offense create physical and emotional distance even when people are geographically close?
8. Absalom "stole the hearts of the people" by positioning himself as more caring than David. How do offended people today use similar tactics to turn others against leadership?
9. Absalom's long hair—his pride—got caught in a tree and led to his death. What does this teach us about how the very thing we're proud of can become our downfall?
10. Review the four Wisdom Keys. Which one do you most need to apply right now? What practical step will you take this week to address offense before it takes root?

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