Unlocking the Power of Marriage Communication

Open Door Policy in Communication

1. Open Door Policy

• An open-door policy is a set workplace rule that encourages employees to discuss any job-related ideas or issues with their immediate supervisors or any senior-level managers that they feel comfortable discussing these topics with.
• And we believe that's a policy we need to put into effect in our relationships. There was a time in our relationship when I didn't want to talk about subjects that really didn't pertain to me, which is childish, selfish, and immature.

2. Why This is Critical

• Why? Because many marriages are failing because one or both of the spouses have poor communication skills. By the way, this is normal and must be worked on.

3. What is Communication and Why it is Important

• When a spouse feels like their input is not valued, it often leads them to have conversations outside of the relationship.
• Eve ends up talking to a snake. Why? Could it be, Adam didn’t want to talk?
• Hear me and hear me well: unmet needs get met. It’s better to meet the need in the house.
• Repeat after me: every need you have and are willing to provide, barring sickness and disease.

4. What Does it Mean to be Naked and Unashamed?

Genesis 2:23–25 (MSG)
The Man said,
“Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man.”
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife.
They become one flesh. The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

• Now if I can come to you with anything, I have to make sure I come at you correctly.

Ephesians 4:15–16 (AMP)
But speaking the truth in love [in all things—both our speech and our lives expressing His truth], let us grow up in all things into Him [following His example] who is the Head—Christ.
From Him the whole body [the church, in all its various parts], joined and knitted firmly together by what every joint supplies, when each part is working properly, causes the body to grow and mature, building itself up in [unselfish] love.

• Season your message right.

1 Corinthians 13:4 (AMP)
Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant.

Proverbs 15:1 (AMP)
A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath,
But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.

Marriage Communication Fundamentals

What is Marriage Communication and the Dreaded Filters that Keep Screwing It Up?

• On one side, there’s the Speaker and her Intent for the message.
  On the other side, there’s the Listener and the Impact the message has on him.
  Between them, there are layers of filters: Past, Pain, Parents, Problems.
  The speaker filters how she’s communicating the message.
  The listener filters how he’s hearing the message.
• Communication in intimate relationships is made between a speaker and a listener, through a message.
  The speaker delivers a message to the listener with an intent.
  The listener receives a message with an impact.
  Good communication is when Intention equals Impact.

How Does Good Marriage Communication Work?

• Good communication means that the message being delivered has the impact the speaker intended.
  Both the speaker and the listener are responsible for this.
• The speaker clarifies intent and expresses what they are thinking, feeling, or asking for. Don’t assume the listener knows what’s going on internally – the listener is not a mind reader.
• The listener ensures understanding and may ask for clarification rather than guessing.
  Both partners collaborate to ensure the intent of the message equals its impact.
• Often, Intent does not equal Impact because the message passes through filters.
• Filters are shaped by the speaker and listener’s state of mind.
  For example, when hungry or stressed, one’s tone might sound harsh even if that’s not the intent.
  Stress changes how the message is sent and perceived.
• Another reason for miscommunication comes from the listener’s state.
  If angry, the listener might misinterpret neutral comments as attacks.
• Filters also come from family upbringing and relationship history.
  A person may unconsciously repeat communication styles modeled at home.
  Example: someone raised in a family that “aired discontent quickly” may speak abruptly without considering tone or impact.

Biblical Foundation for Good Communication

James 1:19 (AMP)
Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving].

Ephesians 4:29 (AMP)
Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth,
but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion,
so that it will be a blessing to those who hear [you speak].

Discussion Questions

1. What does an “open-door policy” look like in a marriage or relationship?
2. Why is communication so critical to the success of marriage?
3. What can we learn from Adam and Eve’s story about unmet needs in communication?
4. How can couples practice “speaking the truth in love” without causing conflict?
5. What does it mean to be “naked and unashamed” in communication?
6. How can we “season our message right” when discussing hard topics?
7. In what ways do personal filters (past, pain, parents, problems) affect how we communicate?
8. What steps can both the speaker and listener take to ensure Intention equals Impact?
9. How can being “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” transform our relationships?
10. What are some practical ways to apply Ephesians 4:29 in day-to-day conversations with your spouse?

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