Love Is Action

RELATIONSHIP REALITIES – LOVE IS ACTION

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert, has conducted extensive research on marriage and divorce. Some of his most notable findings include:

Pastor Jomo:

1. Couples Who Stay Together Have a 5:1 Positive-to-Negative Interaction Ratio

• Happy couples maintain at least five positive interactions for every one negative interaction during conflict discussions. A lower ratio increases the likelihood of divorce.

Matthew 19:11-12 (MSG) 11-12 But Jesus said, "Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it."

Pastor Charmaine

Support: Being there for each other through good and bad times (week one)

• Are you a cheerleader in your relationship? Support is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It fosters trust, strengthens emotional bonds, and helps partners navigate life's challenges together. Being supportive doesn't always mean solving problems for your partner. It's about showing empathy, encouragement, and love, while standing by their side. Would you like examples of how to show support in your relationship?

support looks different in different stages of life.

#1 Sacrificial Love

True support often involves selflessness and sacrificial love.

Philippians 2:1-4 (MSG) 1-4 If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care—then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

#2 Encouragement

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11 (MSG) 9-11 God didn't set us up for an angry rejection but for salvation by our Master, Jesus Christ. He died for us, a death that triggered life. Whether we're awake with the living or asleep with the dead, we're alive with him! So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it.

Hebrews 10:24 (AMP) 24 and let us consider [thoughtfully] how we may encourage one another to love and to do good deeds,

#3 Bearing Each Other's Burdens

Galatians 6:2 (NIV) Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV) Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

#4 Kindness and Compassion

Ephesians 4:32 (MSG) 31-32 Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

• Kindness and forgiveness are essential forms of support in a relationship.

Colossians 3:12-14 (MSG) 12-14 So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Discussion Questions

1. Dr. John Gottman's research shows that happy couples maintain a 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio. How would you evaluate the ratio in your relationship? What practical steps can you take to increase positive interactions?
2. Matthew 19:11-12 says marriage requires "a certain aptitude and grace" and "not everyone is mature enough to live a married life." What does maturity look like in marriage? How do we grow into "the largeness of marriage"?
3. The message emphasizes that "support looks different in different stages of life." How has the way you support your partner (or need support) changed over the years? What does support look like in your current season?
4. Philippians 2:1-4 calls us to "put yourself aside, and help others get ahead." What does sacrificial love look like practically in marriage? How do you balance self-care with selflessness?
5. Being a "cheerleader" in your relationship means showing empathy, encouragement, and love. Are you more naturally a problem-solver or an encourager? How can you grow in simply being present without trying to fix everything?
6. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says to "speak encouraging words to one another" and "build up hope." When was the last time you genuinely encouraged your spouse? What specific words of encouragement could you speak today?
7. Galatians 6:2 instructs us to "carry each other's burdens." What burden is your partner carrying right now? How can you help carry it rather than adding to it?
8. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 highlights the power of partnership: "Two are better than one...if either falls down, one can help the other up." Can you recall a time when your partner helped you up after a fall? How did that strengthen your relationship?
9. Ephesians 4:32 emphasizes being "gentle with one another, sensitive" and forgiving "as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." Why is quick and thorough forgiveness so critical to a healthy relationship?
10. Colossians 3:12-14 says to "wear love" as your "basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it." How would your relationship change if love was the lens through which you viewed every interaction, disagreement, and decision?

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