What Every Single Should Watch For

Red Flags: God's Warning Signs in Relationships

The Building Inspector

A few years ago, a man bought a beautiful house in a great neighborhood. From the outside it looked perfect — fresh paint, new roof, shining windows, everything immaculate. His friends said, "You got a steal!"

But two months after moving in, strange things started happening. Doors wouldn't close. The floors felt uneven. Cracks slowly started appearing in the walls.

He called a building inspector to figure out what was going on. After examining the house, the inspector said, "Sir, this house didn't collapse on you... only because you moved in recently. The foundation was already cracked before you arrived."

The owner said, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

The inspector replied: "They did. The cracks were visible. But you were so excited about the paint, you ignored the signs."

Church, hear me: A relationship can look beautiful on the outside... but if the foundation is cracked, the future will collapse.

Excitement can blind you. Loneliness can rush you. Attraction can distract you.

But red flags are God's building inspections. He reveals the cracks before you move in emotionally, spiritually, or physically.

It's cheaper to walk away before you move in, than to rebuild your life after it collapses.

Scripture Foundation

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." — Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

"You will know them by their fruit." — Matthew 7:16

Introduction

Everybody talks about finding "the one," but nobody talks about guarding yourself from the wrong one.

You can't marry potential. You can't transform character. You can't pray red flags into green ones.

A red flag is God's way of saying: "STOP. PAY ATTENTION. THIS MAY COST YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN AFFORD."

Before you choose a mate, you must learn to discern the signs. This sermon isn't about judging people — it's about guarding your heart, protecting your destiny, and refusing to let loneliness negotiate you into a bad covenant.

Red Flag #1: No Spiritual Fruit

"By their fruit you will recognize them [that is, by their contrived doctrine and self-focus]." — Matthew 7:16 (AMP)

The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

The Counterfeit Bill

A bank once brought in a group of new employees to train them on how to spot counterfeit money. Everyone expected the instructor to spend hours showing them fake bills. Instead, she did the opposite.

For days she had them study the real thing. The real $100 bill. The real texture. The real ink. The real watermark. The real security strip.

One of the trainees finally asked, "When do we study the fake ones? How will we know what's wrong if we never see what's wrong?"

The trainer smiled and said, "If you know the authentic well enough, the fake will expose itself."

Church, hear me: You don't have to date every personality to figure out what you don't want. You don't have to taste every dysfunction to know it's not God. You don't have to try out toxic relationships to know they're harmful.

If you become familiar with what's real — real love, real peace, real fruit of the Spirit, real character — then the moment someone shows up with counterfeit patterns... your spirit will feel the difference.

The closer you walk with God, the quicker you will recognize what's not from God.

Ask yourself:

• Do they pray?
• Are they teachable?
• Do they show humility, self-control, kindness?
• Are they growing spiritually?

Or do they only serve God on Sunday but live reckless on Monday?

Church attendance is not fruit. Personality is not fruit. Charisma is not fruit. Character is fruit.

If the fruit is rotten now, the harvest will be painful later.

Keys to Fruit Inspection

1. Fruit reflects the tree
2. Fruit is visible
3. Fruit benefits others

Red Flag #2: Spiritual Misalignment

"Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith]." — 2 Corinthians 6:14 (AMP)

You cannot build a kingdom marriage on two different spiritual levels.

If you're on fire and they're lukewarm... If you want God and they want convenience... If you're growing and they're drifting... You're not equally yoked — you're unequally burdened.

The wrong person will drain your walk. The right person will deepen it.

Red Flag #3: No Vision

"Where there is no vision, the people perish." — Proverbs 29:18

You cannot follow someone who does not know where they're going.

If they have no goals... no drive... no desire to grow... you will become their plan — and that will drain your destiny.

A relationship without direction is a relationship headed for destruction.

Red Flag #4: Inconsistency

"Being a double-minded man, unstable and restless in all his ways [in everything he thinks, feels, or decides]." — James 1:8 (AMP)

If their words say one thing but their actions say another... if they're kind on Monday but distant on Thursday...

People who are inconsistent in dating will be unpredictable in marriage.

Believe patterns, not promises.

Red Flag #5: Disrespect

"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." — Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)

Disrespect is not a joke. Sarcasm is not humor. Belittling is not love.

Disrespect in dating becomes dishonor in marriage — every time.

Never ignore what hurts your spirit just because it flatters your emotions.

Red Flag #6: Pride

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." — Proverbs 16:18 (AMP)

If they can correct you but never be corrected... if they criticize everyone but themselves... if they always need to be right... that's not confidence — that's arrogance.

Marriage requires humility. Pride breaks everything it touches.

Red Flag #7: Secretive Behavior

"For every wrongdoer hates the Light and does not come to the Light [but shrinks from it] for fear that his [sinful, worthless] activities will be exposed and condemned." — John 3:20 (AMP)

If they hide their phone... if they avoid questions... if they disappear for hours... if their life is a mystery... you're not in a relationship — you're in an investigation.

Transparency is the language of trust. Secrecy is the language of deception.

Red Flag #8: Uncontrolled Anger

"Do not even associate with a man given to angry outbursts; or go [along] with a hot-tempered man." — Proverbs 22:24 (AMP)

Anger is not a temperament — it's a warning.

People who can't control their emotions will eventually try to control yours.

If they explode now, they will abuse later. If they intimidate now, they will dominate later.

Anger that is unhealed becomes violence that is unleashed.

Red Flag #9: No Accountability

"The way of the [arrogant] fool [who rejects God's wisdom] is right in his own eyes, but a wise and prudent man is he who listens to counsel." — Proverbs 12:15 (AMP)

If they blame their ex for everything... if they never apologize... if they never admit wrong... if they can't take correction... you are not dating a person — you are dating a PR department.

Accountability is a sign of maturity. Excuses are a sign of immaturity.

A person who can't own their behavior will eventually blame you for their dysfunction.

Red Flag #10: Addictive Patterns

"Jesus answered, 'I assure you and most solemnly say to you, everyone who practices sin habitually is a slave of sin.'" — John 8:34 (AMP)

Addiction destroys trust, finances, intimacy, and stability. Addiction doesn't stay small. It grows. It spreads. It dominates.

If they refuse help... refuse change... refuse accountability... you are trying to build a life with someone who is losing their own.

A Word to Singles

You are not desperate. You are not running out of time. You are not behind schedule.

You are too valuable to ignore the warning signs. You are too anointed to settle for dysfunction. You are too called to be distracted by counterfeits.

When you ignore red flags, you choose red tears. When you honor red flags, you protect your destiny.

Let God lead you. Let discernment guide you. Let patience keep you.

And the right person will come at the right time with the right heart.

The Lifeguard's Warning

A young woman went to the beach one summer. The waves looked calm, peaceful, beautiful — like the perfect place to relax.

Before she got in the water, the lifeguard yelled from his tower: "Ma'am! Don't swim in that direction — there's a rip current forming!"

She looked out and said, "But the water looks fine to me."

He warned again: "I've seen this before. The surface is calm, but underneath it will pull you farther than you want to go and keep you longer than you want to stay."

But she ignored the warning and stepped into the water. Within minutes, the calm water turned fierce and dragged her out into the deep. She started screaming.

The lifeguard dived in, fought the current, and rescued her.

As she was catching her breath, she cried, "How did this happen so fast?"

The lifeguard said: "The signs were there. You just trusted what you saw instead of the one trying to save you."

Church, that's how relationships work.

God sees currents you can't see. He knows dangers you don't feel yet. He warns you because He wants to save you, not stop you.

If you ignore red flags, you get pulled into situations that drain you, break you, and overwhelm you. But if you listen to God's warnings... He will keep you, protect you, and lead you to the right connection at the right time.

Don't step into something that looks calm but leads to chaos.

Trust the Lifeguard of your soul — the One who sees beneath the surface.

Discussion Questions

1. Reflecting on the "Counterfeit Bill" illustration: How can you become more familiar with authentic spiritual fruit so that you can quickly recognize counterfeit patterns in relationships? What practical steps can you take this week to deepen your understanding of what godly character looks like?
2. Consider the red flags mentioned in this message. Have you ever ignored a warning sign in a relationship because of loneliness, attraction, or excitement? Looking back, what did that experience teach you about the importance of discernment, and how can you apply that lesson moving forward?
3. The sermon states, "You can't marry potential. You can't transform character. You can't pray red flags into green ones." Why is it tempting to believe we can change someone, and what biblical principles should guide us when we see concerning patterns in someone we're interested in?
4. Which of the ten red flags resonates most with you personally, and why? How can you guard your heart in that specific area while remaining open to God's plan for your relationships?
5. The message emphasizes that "the right person will come at the right time with the right heart." How can you cultivate patience and trust in God's timing when cultural pressure, biological clocks, or personal loneliness tempt you to settle or rush into the wrong relationship?