The Power of Agreement: 8 Things We Learned Through Our Marriage - Part 3
Marriage is one of the greatest classrooms you'll ever enter. Over the years, we've learned lessons that didn't come from books or seminars - they came from real moments, hard seasons, and the commitment to keep choosing each other. Today, I want to share eight powerful truths that have shaped our marriage and can transform yours too.
Point 1: Financial Challenges Reveal What You Have
Matthew 6:24 (AMP)
"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon [money, possessions, fame, status, or whatever is valued more than the Lord]."
Luke 14:28 (NLT)
"But don't begin until you count the cost. For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it?"
Let me tell you a story. There was a time when we were sitting on the bathroom floor with credit cards spread out around us, trying to figure out how we were going to pay the bills. I remember Jomo running outside to stop the water company from shutting off our service. One night, he rolled over in bed and said, "I think somebody is getting got."
Those moments revealed what we really valued. Money pressure has a way of showing you what's in your heart. Are you serving God or are you serving money?
Lessons we learned the hard way:
If you're going to have a rental property, make sure you can afford the mortgage without renters. No man goes to build a house without counting the cost.
If you're going to invest money in another company, do your due diligence. Don't let excitement override wisdom.
Point 2: You Will Marry the Same Person Multiple Times
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (AMP)
"There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven."
People grow, change, heal, break, and mature. Successful marriages adjust without abandoning.
I was at the gym one day, taking a class, and I picked up these 2-pound weights thinking, "This isn't heavy at all." But after holding them for 15 minutes, my arms were shaking. What seemed light at first became incredibly heavy over time.
Some of the things you take on at the beginning of marriage, you may not be able to continue in all seasons of life. Things that don't seem like a lot of weight now may get heavier later. Children change your priorities. Career shifts happen. Health changes. You have to be willing to adjust.
The person you married at 25 is not the same person at 35 or 45. And that's okay. You're not abandoning them - you're adjusting with them through each season.
Point 3: You Don't Need to Say Everything You Think - Timing Matters More Than Winning
Proverbs 17:27 (AMP)
"He who has knowledge restrains and is careful with his words, And a man of understanding and wisdom has a cool spirit (self-control, an even temper)."
Not every truth needs to be spoken immediately - or loudly. Just because you thought it doesn't mean it needs to come out of your mouth right now.
Silence can be wisdom, not weakness. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do in a heated moment is close your mouth and wait. You can be right and still be wrong in your timing.
Point 4: Forgiveness and Confession Must Be Practiced Consistently
This isn't a one-time event - it's a lifestyle.
1 John 1:9 (AMP)
"If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just [true to His own nature and promises], and will forgive our sins and cleanse us continually from all unrighteousness [our wrongdoing, everything not in conformity with His will and purpose]."
Colossians 3:13 (NLT)
"Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."
You're going to mess up. They're going to mess up. The question is: are you committed to the rhythm of confession and forgiveness? It has to become as natural as breathing in your marriage.
Point 5: Small Acts Matter More Than Grand Gestures
Luke 16:10 (NLT)
"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities."
Consistency beats intensity every time.
It's washing the dishes and putting out the trash. It's getting my car washed while I'm at the salon. It's doing the yard work without being asked. It's watching Netflix together even when you're tired. It's rearranging your schedule to make my day easier.
These small acts of service say, "I see you. I'm thinking about you. You matter to me." Don't underestimate the power of consistent, small expressions of love.
Point 6: Sex Is a Thermometer, Not the Thermostat
It reflects the relationship; it doesn't fix it.
Sex is about connectivity - God designed it as a picture of two becoming one. It's a barometer that tells you the temperature of your relationship, but it can't change the temperature by itself.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (AMP)
"The husband must fulfill his [marital] duty to his wife [with good will and kindness], and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have [exclusive] authority over her own body, but the husband shares with her; and likewise the husband does not have [exclusive] authority over his body, but the wife shares with him. Do not deprive each other [of marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves [unhindered] to prayer, but come together again so that Satan will not tempt you [to sin] because of your lack of self-control."
If there are issues in the bedroom, start by looking at what's happening outside the bedroom. How's your communication? Your respect? Your partnership? Fix the relationship, and intimacy will reflect that healing.
Point 7: Comparison Is Marriage Poison
No two marriages are meant to look alike.
2 Corinthians 10:12 (AMP)
"We do not have the audacity to put ourselves in the same class or compare ourselves with some who [supply testimonials to] commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they lack wisdom and behave like fools."
Stop looking at other couples' highlight reels and feeling like your marriage doesn't measure up. You don't know what they're dealing with behind closed doors. Your marriage has its own fingerprint, its own rhythm, its own story.
God's plan for your marriage is unique to you. Don't poison what you have by comparing it to someone else's journey.
Point 8: Laughter Is a Survival Skill
Joy disarms tension and keeps hearts soft.
Proverbs 17:22 (MSG)
"A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired."
Learn to laugh together. Learn to laugh at yourself. Learn to find humor in the hard moments. Laughter is like oil in the gears of your relationship - it keeps everything moving smoothly even when there's friction.
Don't take yourself so seriously that you forget to enjoy each other. Some of the best moments in marriage happen when you can laugh together about the mess you're in.
Discussion Questions
- Financial stewardship: Looking at Point 1, how have financial challenges revealed what you truly value? What steps can you take this week to ensure money serves your marriage rather than controlling it?
- Seasons of change: Reflect on how you or your spouse have changed since you first got married. What adjustments have you made (or need to make) to honor the person they're becoming rather than holding onto who they used to be?
- The power of restraint: Think about a recent conflict in your relationship. How might the outcome have been different if you had practiced restraint with your words or waited for better timing? What triggers make it hardest for you to hold your tongue?
- Small acts of love: What are three small, practical ways you can consistently show love to your spouse this week? How can you make these acts a regular rhythm rather than occasional grand gestures?
- Comparison and contentment: In what ways have you been tempted to compare your marriage to others? What specific steps can you take to protect your marriage from the poison of comparison and cultivate gratitude for your unique journey together?