THE POWER OF AGREEMENT | PART 2 - "Can You Hear Me Now?"
Lessons on Communication in Marriage from a Walkie-Talkie
Many marriages don't struggle because of a lack of love - they struggle because of a lack of clear communication. You can be married to the right person and still be talking on the wrong channel.
The Breakdown of Marriage
Genesis 3:1-19 (NLT)
The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, "Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?" "Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden," the woman replied. "It's only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, 'You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.'" "You won't die!" the serpent replied to the woman. "God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil."
The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.
When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" He replied, "I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked." "Who told you that you were naked?" the Lord God asked. "Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?"
The man replied, "It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it." Then the Lord God asked the woman, "What have you done?" "The serpent deceived me," she replied. "That's why I ate it."
Then the Lord God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this, you are cursed more than all animals, domestic and wild. You will crawl on your belly, groveling in the dust as long as you live. And I will cause hostility between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. He will strike your head, and you will strike his heel."
Then he said to the woman, "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you."
And to the man he said, "Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made. For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return."
This story shows us that Adam tried to stay in isolation and Eve wanted conversation. For our relationships to work we must work on this balancing act of giving him some isolation and giving her some conversation.
Marriage communication breaks down when both people are talking but nobody is listening.
8 Laws for Marriage Communication Through a Walkie-Talkie
POINT #1 | Check the Power Source - Low Batteries Affect Performance
Walkie-Talkie Principle: Low power = poor transmission.
Marriage Truth: Tired people communicate poorly.
Mark 6:31
"Come away...and rest."
Application: Don't have hard conversations when you're emotionally depleted.
POINT #2 | Make Sure It's Turned On
Are You Emotionally Available? You can't communicate if you're shut down, distracted, or disengaged.
James 1:19 (AMP)
Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving].
POINT #3 | Stay on the Same Channel
Walkie-Talkie Principle: If you're on different frequencies, you'll never connect.
Marriage Truth:
- Many arguments are not disagreements - they're misalignment.
- One spouse wants empathy - the other wants solutions
Amos 3:3 (MSG)
Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren't going to the same place?
Practical Tool: Teach couples to ask: "Do you want me to listen or fix?" This question alone saves marriages.
POINT #4 | Push the Button Before You Speak
Walkie-Talkie Principle: "Say It - Don't Assume It" - No button, no message.
Marriage Truth: Unspoken expectations create frustration.
James 4:2
"You do not have because you do not ask."
Application: Stop assuming your spouse knows what you need. Say it - lovingly, clearly, directly.
POINT #5 | You Can't Talk and Listen at the Same Time
Walkie-Talkie Principle: Only one person can speak at a time.
Marriage Truth: Interrupting is communication sabotage. "No Cross-Talk Allowed." Many spouses are not listening - they are waiting for their turn to talk.
Application: Listening says, "What you feel matters."
Proverbs 18:13 (MSG)
Answering before listening is both stupid and rude.
POINT #6 | Tone Matters More Than Volume
Walkie-Talkie Principle: Yelling doesn't make the signal clearer.
Marriage Truth: Loud voices close hearts.
Proverbs 15:1 (AMP)
A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, but harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.
Teaching Moment: You can be right in content but wrong in delivery.
Application: Lower your voice to raise understanding.
POINT #7 | Interference Distorts the Message
Walkie-Talkie Principle: "Too Many Voices Cause Static"
Marriage Truth: Family, friends, past hurt, stress, pride, and outside voices distort communication.
Ephesians 4:29 (MSG)
Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
Application: Before responding, ask:
- Am I reacting or responding?
- Am I speaking from pain or purpose?
Protect the channel from interference.
POINT #8 | Confirm the Message
Walkie-Talkie Principle: "Copy that" confirms understanding.
Roger That: Did You Hear What I Meant?
Marriage Truth: Most conflict isn't about what was said - it's about what was heard.
Practical Tool: Teach couples to repeat back: "What I hear you saying is..." Hearing isn't understanding - confirmation prevents conflict.
Proverbs 20:5 (NLT)
Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out.
Final Thought
Marriage isn't about winning arguments - it's about protecting connection.
Response Moment
Commit to:
- Listening before speaking
- Removing interference
- Staying on the same channel
Discussion Questions
- Power Source Check: Reflect on your recent conversations with your spouse or loved ones. How often have you tried to have important discussions when you were emotionally depleted or exhausted? What can you do this week to ensure you're "charged up" before addressing critical issues?
- Channel Alignment: Think about a recent disagreement in your relationship. Was it truly a disagreement, or were you and your spouse simply on different "channels" - one wanting empathy while the other offered solutions? How can asking "Do you want me to listen or fix?" transform your next conversation?
- The Listening Challenge: Be honest - when your spouse is talking, are you truly listening, or are you just waiting for your turn to speak? What specific steps can you take to become a "careful, thoughtful listener" as described in James 1:19?
- Interference Audit: What "outside voices" or past hurts are creating static in your marriage communication? (Examples: family opinions, unresolved conflicts, stress from work, pride) What would it look like to protect your communication channel from these interferences this week?
- Confirmation Practice: Most conflict comes from what was heard, not what was said. This week, practice repeating back what you hear your spouse saying: "What I hear you saying is..." How might this simple practice prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your connection?