Relationship Red Flags

Red Flags: Recognizing Warning Signs in Relationships

Beach Flag System for Relationships

Yellow Flag: Seek Advice
Green Flag: Safe to Swim
Double Red Flags: Danger—They Do Things God Hates

Double Red Flags: Seven Things God Hates

Proverbs 6:16-19 (AMP)

"These six things the Lord hates; Indeed, seven are repulsive to Him: A proud look [the attitude that makes one overestimate oneself and discount others], a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that creates wicked plans, feet that run swiftly to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies [even half-truths], and one who spreads discord (rumors) among brothers."

Red Flag #1: A Proud Look

Definition: The attitude that makes one overestimate oneself and discount others

The Good Samaritan Story: Luke 10:25-37 (NLT)

The Setup: A religious expert tests Jesus: "What should I do to inherit eternal life?"

Jesus redirects: "What does the law say?"

The man answers correctly: "Love God with everything and love your neighbor as yourself."

Then comes the revealing question: "Who is my neighbor?"

Jesus's Response—A Story:

• A Jewish man traveling to Jericho was attacked, beaten, and left half-dead
• The Priest: Saw him, crossed to the other side, passed by
• The Temple Assistant: Walked over, looked, passed by on the other side
• The Despised Samaritan: Felt compassion, soothed wounds with oil and wine, bandaged them, put him on his donkey, took him to an inn, paid for his care, and promised to cover any additional costs

Jesus's Question: "Which of these three was a neighbor to the man?"

The Answer: "The one who showed him mercy."

Jesus's Command: "Yes, now go and do the same."

Additional Scriptures on Pride

Proverbs 11:2 (AMP) "When pride comes [boiling up with an arrogant attitude of self-importance], then come dishonor and shame."

Proverbs 29:23 (AMP) "A man's pride and sense of self-importance will bring him down, but he who has a humble spirit will obtain honor."

Critical Truth: Till they acknowledge their weakness, they will not seek Him for His strength, and without it they can make no progress in holiness.

Red Flag #2: A Liar

Warning Sign: You are always catching them in a lie

John 8:44-45 (AMP)

"You are of your father the devil, and it is your will to practice the desires [which are characteristic] of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks what is natural to him, for he is a liar and the father of lies and half-truths."

Red Flag #3: Hands That Prey on the Innocent

They hurt people who have done nothing wrong to them.

Red Flag #4: A Heart That's Wicked

"Wicked Imaginations"

There are evil thoughts in all hearts, but the devising and fabricating of them—making the heart into a devil's workshop—is the mark of utter depravity and wickedness, and is abhorrent to God.

The devices of the heart, though planned in secret, are clear to Him "to whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hid."

The heart occupies a special position because it is the fountain, not only of the vices already mentioned, but of those which follow.

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."

Red Flag #5: They Find Trouble

Question: Have you ever met a person who seems to always be in the wrong place?

Red Flag #6: They Lie About People

Perjury and Spreading Rumors

Exodus 20:16 (KJV)

"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour."

Definition: A false witness that breathes out or utters lies—they spread rumors.

Red Flag #7: One Who Spreads Discord Among Brothers

Creating division and strife in relationships and community.

Single Red Flags: Proceed with Caution

Red Flag: They Only See Your Flaws and Not Theirs

They Blame Others for Their Mistakes

Matthew 7:3-5 (MSG) - A Simple Guide for Behavior

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."

Red Flag: Your Parents Don't Approve

Samson's Fatal Mistake: Judges 14:1-3 (MSG)

The Story: Samson went down to Timnah and saw a Philistine woman who caught his eye.

He told his parents: "Get her for me as my wife."

His Parents' Wisdom: "Isn't there a woman among our own people? Do you have to go get a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?"

Samson's Response: "Get her for me. She's the one I want—she's the right one."

The Result: This relationship led to Samson's downfall and ultimate destruction.

Red Flag: They Surround Themselves with the Wrong People

Psalm 1:1 (AMP)

"Blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked [following their advice and example], nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit [down to rest] in the seat of scoffers (ridiculers)."

1 Corinthians 15:33 (AMP)

"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals.'"

Critical Questions Before You Try to "Save" Someone

Questions to Ask Yourself:

1. How did they get there?
2. Can you swim?
3. Do you know the current?
4. Can you save them?

Important Warnings:

There are some undercurrents you don't see

• A lot of people are asking for help, but they are not ready to receive the help
• Don't put yourself at risk
• The blind leading the blind: two people in the water that can't swim

The Rescue Principle

YOU CAN NOT BE THE CHRIST IN EVERYONE'S CRISIS!!!

The Reality:

• You are not called to save everyone
• Some people will pull you under with them
• Your desire to help doesn't qualify you to rescue
• You must protect yourself to be effective for anyone

Lifeguard Training Reality: Professional lifeguards are trained that drowning victims will often climb on top of their rescuer to survive, potentially drowning both people. Sometimes you have to let go or keep your distance until they're ready to be helped properly.

Application

Homework Assignment:

Write down some people you have to stop saving.

This is not about being cruel or uncaring. This is about:

• Recognizing your limitations
• Protecting your own spiritual health
• Allowing God to be God in their lives
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Being available for those you're actually called to help

Reflection Questions

1. Which red flags have you ignored in past relationships?
2. Are you currently involved with someone showing double red flags?
3. Do you have a pattern of trying to "save" people who aren't ready to be helped?
4. What undercurrents (hidden issues) might you be missing in a current relationship?
5. Are you surrounding yourself with the right people, or are you ignoring the warning about bad company?
6. Have you been honest with yourself about whether you're qualified to "rescue" someone in crisis?
7. Who do you need to stop trying to save so you don't drown yourself?