Relationship Red Flags Part 2

The Beach Flag Warning System for Relationships

How the Beach Flag System Works

Double Red: Very dangerous—water closed to public use
Red: Danger/No Swimming
Yellow: Seek Advice
Green: Safe to Swim

Double Red Flags: NEVER DATE A PERSON WHO DOES THINGS GOD HATES

Proverbs 6:16-19 (AMP)

"These six things the Lord hates; Indeed, seven are repulsive to Him: A proud look [the attitude that makes one overestimate oneself and discount others], a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that creates wicked plans, feet that run swiftly to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies [even half-truths], and one who spreads discord (rumors) among brothers."

Critical Rule: If someone consistently demonstrates these seven things, the relationship is CLOSED—do not enter, regardless of attraction or circumstance.

Single Red Flags: Warning Signs That Require Serious Attention

Red Flag #1: Your Parents Don't Approve Them / Warnings from the Right People

Samson's Fatal Mistake: Judges 14:1-4 (MSG)

The Story: Samson went down to Timnah and saw a Philistine woman who caught his eye. He told his parents: "Get her for me as my wife."

His Parents' Wisdom: "Isn't there a woman among the girls in the neighborhood of our people? Do you have to go get a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?"

Samson's Tragic Response: "Get her for me. She's the one I want—she's the right one."

The Result: This relationship became the beginning of Samson's downfall.

Proverbs 6:25-26 (AMP)

"Do not desire (lust after) her beauty in your heart, nor let her capture you with her eyelashes. For on account of a prostitute one is reduced to a piece of bread [to be eaten up], and the immoral woman hunts [with a hook] the precious life [of a man]."

Warning: When godly people who know you well express concerns, listen. Don't let physical attraction override spiritual wisdom.

Red Flag #2: They Have No Fear of God

Proverbs 1:7 (AMP)

"The [reverent] fear of the LORD [that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the beginning and the preeminent part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but arrogant fools despise [skillful and godly] wisdom and instruction and self-discipline."

Key Truth: Without the fear of God, there is no foundation for wisdom, growth, or righteousness. This is not a minor issue—it's a fundamental one.

Red Flag #3: They Lack Discipline

Proverbs 5:23 (AMP)

"He will die for lack of instruction (discipline), and in the greatness of his foolishness he will go astray and be lost."

James 1:8 (AMP)

"Being a double-minded man, unstable and restless in all his ways [in everything he thinks, feels, or decides]."

Critical Understanding:

• Discipline is the foundation of all success
• The disciples were considered "disciplined ones"
• Without discipline, a person cannot sustain growth, commitment, or stability

Red Flag #4: They Are Emotionally Reckless on a Regular Basis

James 1:8 (AMP)

"Being a double-minded man, unstable and restless in all his ways [in everything he thinks, feels, or decides]."

Warning Signs:

• Unpredictable emotional responses
• Constant instability in thoughts and decisions
• Unable to maintain emotional consistency
• Reactionary rather than responsive

Red Flag #5: They Surround Themselves with the Wrong People

Psalm 1:1 (AMP)

"Blessed [fortunate, prosperous, and favored by God] is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked [following their advice and example], nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit [down to rest] in the seat of scoffers (ridiculers)."

1 Corinthians 15:33 (AMP)

"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company corrupts good morals.'"

Major Warning Sign: They cut all their godly friends to be with you and expect you to do the same.

Red Flag Analysis:

• Isolation from healthy influences is a control tactic
• Someone who removes accountability is dangerous
• They should add to your community, not subtract from it

Red Flag #6: They Are Poor Listeners

James 1:19-20 (AMP)

"Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]; for the [resentful, deep-seated] anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God [that standard of behavior which He requires from us]."

What Poor Listening Reveals:

• Lack of value for your perspective
• Self-centeredness
• Inability to grow through feedback
• Future communication breakdown

Red Flag #7: They Tell You They Love You Too Soon

Warning: Love takes time to develop. Premature declarations often indicate:

• Love-bombing (manipulation tactic)
• Emotional immaturity
• Inability to discern true feelings
• Desperation rather than genuine connection
• Possible pattern of rushing relationships

Healthy Truth: Real love is demonstrated over time through consistent actions, not rushed declarations.

Red Flag #8: Anger Issues

Related to James 1:19-20: Uncontrolled anger is a serious red flag.

Warning Signs:

• Frequent outbursts
• Inability to manage frustration
• Explosive reactions to minor issues
• Anger that leads to verbal or physical aggression
• Refusal to address or acknowledge the problem

Critical Truth: If they can't control their anger while dating (when they're on their best behavior), it will only get worse in marriage.

Red Flag #9: They Are Embarrassed to Be with You in Public

What This Reveals:

• They don't fully value you
• They're hiding the relationship for wrong reasons
• Potential shame about commitment
• You're not their priority
• They may be keeping options open

Healthy Standard: Your partner should be proud to be with you publicly and privately.

Red Flag #10: You Don't Have Peace

John 14:27 (AMP)

"Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge.]"

Critical Discernment: When you consistently lack peace in a relationship, the Holy Spirit is warning you.

Signs You Don't Have Peace:

• Constant anxiety about the relationship
• Unease that won't go away
• Feeling like you're walking on eggshells
• Gut feeling that something is wrong
• Loss of joy and rest
• Spiritual discomfort

Biblical Truth: God's peace serves as an umpire in your heart. When peace leaves, pay attention.

Understanding the Flag System

Double Red (Relationship Closed):

• Things God hates from Proverbs 6
• No exceptions, no entry

Single Red (Danger/Proceed with Extreme Caution):

• The 10 red flags listed above
• Can potentially be worked through with genuine repentance and change
• But don't ignore them or make excuses

Yellow (Seek Counsel):

• Minor concerns that need wisdom
• Areas where you're unsure
• Situations that need godly advice

Green (Safe):

• Godly character consistently demonstrated
• Peace in the relationship
• Support from spiritual community
• Alignment in values and direction

Application Questions

1. Are you currently ignoring a double red flag? If so, why?
2. Which single red flags have you seen but minimized?
3. Have you lost your peace in a relationship but stayed anyway?
4. Are you listening to warnings from godly people in your life?
5. What would it take for you to actually walk away from someone showing these red flags?
6. Are you displaying any of these red flags that you need to address in yourself?
7. Have you asked God for His peace and discernment about this relationship?

Final Reminder

The beach flag system exists to protect you, not to restrict you.

Just as ignoring beach warnings can lead to drowning, ignoring relationship red flags can lead to emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical harm.

God's warnings are always given in love, never in cruelty.