The Three Hardest Words to Say in Marriage

Speaking Truth in Love: The Foundation of Healthy Relationships

Let me be real with you. Communication is everything. They say that 67.5% of most challenges in relationships are breakdowns in communication. Think about that for a second. Two-thirds of our problems could be solved if we just learned to talk to each other the right way.

Today, I want to talk about the three hardest words to say in a relationship. Based on that business terminology where a person can speak to a supervisor or anyone at any time with no rules or barriers. We need to bring that same transparency into our marriages.

The Bible tells us in Genesis 2:25 that "the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed or embarrassed." I'm not just talking about physical nakedness here. I'm talking about being emotionally naked, spiritually transparent, and completely honest with your spouse.

Love Communicates Truth

Ephesians 4:15 says it perfectly: "But speaking the truth in love, in every thing, both our speech and our lives expressing his truth, let us grow in all things following his example who is the head, Christ."

Love communicates. If I love you, I'm going to tell you the truth. Not to hurt you, but because I care about you.

Let me give you a real example. My wife Charmaine picks out my outfits. That's not my lane, and she's better at it than me, so I just submit to that. But sometimes she'll ask me, "How does this outfit look?" And I've learned something critical: when you ask the question, you need to be ready for an honest answer.

I appreciate her being honest with me because I don't want to get out the house and then find out something's wrong with my outfit. But here's the thing, you have to be ready and prepared when you ask anybody for an honest answer.

Have you ever had something in your teeth for hours? You smile at the mirror and see a big piece of spinach right in the middle. And you're thinking about everybody who saw you, and nobody loved you enough to say, "Hey, you got something in your teeth."

See, we are not real. We're so insecure that we can't just tell a person, "Hey, I appreciate you, but..." Love communicates. Love doesn't let you walk around with your collar out or your suit jacket threads still attached. Love fixes it because love cares.

The First Hard Words: "I'm Sorry"

I'm going to be transparent with you. I used to lie. Yeah, I said it. Long, long, long time ago, before we were married, and we've been married 25 years. It got really bad when Charmaine would repeat my lie to someone else because she thought it was the truth, and then I'd have to backtrack.

But here's what I learned: sometimes we lie in a way that doesn't feel bad because we're trying to save somebody's feelings. We think if we tell them the truth, we'll hurt their feelings. But there's always a way to word things and still be in truth.

Maybe God put you in the position to tell them the truth because you're the person they will receive it from. God wouldn't have you in that space if you didn't have access to give them the truth that's going to push them to their next level.

"I'm sorry" are two of the hardest words to say. Why? Because it means admitting I was wrong. It means I have to humble myself and acknowledge that I hurt you, even if it wasn't intentional.

The Second Hard Words: "I Was Wrong"

Let me tell you something that will change your perspective: sometimes our lack of knowledge causes damage in relationships. When I was in Year One of being a pastor, I didn't know everything. I still don't know everything, but imagine me 15 years ago.

There were things that happened in our relationship where it was just a lack of knowledge. I didn't know how to handle situations. I didn't know how to deal with certain circumstances. And because of my inexperience, people got hurt.

As men especially, we don't always know what to do. The person's hurt because of our inexperience. We didn't know. And that's reality.

Saying "I was wrong" requires incredible humility. It means admitting that my knowledge was limited, that my actions caused harm, and that I need to grow. But growth is biblical. Ephesians 4:15 tells us to "grow in all things." You can't grow without acknowledging where you fell short.

The Third Hard Words: "I Love You"

I love you. For men especially, these might be harder to say than you think. We're not built for that kind of vulnerability. "I love you" means "I'm weak, you got me, I'm whooped." That's what your boys say, right? "Look at that boy, he's nose wide open, he's whooped."

But let me tell you something powerful. First Corinthians 13 tells us that love is patient, love is kind. When I say "I love you," my actions should be indicative of me loving you.

Let me be clear about something: Jesus commands us to love. Husbands, love your wives. You're commanded to. "But pastor, I just don't feel like that anymore." Fine. The Bible says love your neighbor as yourself. Your wife is your closest neighbor. Go love her.

"She's not even my closest neighbor; I moved out." That's fine. Jesus said by this all men will know that you're my disciples, that you have love one for another. So love her because she's your sister in Christ.

"I don't even know if she's saved." That's fine. The Bible says love your enemies.

It is absolutely inexcusable for a person who follows Christ to stop loving their spouse. It's a choice. It's an act of the will.

It's Not About Happiness, It's About Joy

Here's something you need to understand: it's not about your happiness. Happiness is based on your happenstance. You have to grow to the place of joy.

When I was going through chemo, I wasn't happy, but I had joy. When my wife and I dealt with our sick daughter, we weren't necessarily happy, but we had joy. Your happiness is based on your circumstance or your situation that you're going through at that set time. You must graduate from worrying about being happy to having joy. The joy of the Lord is your strength.

You're going to go through storms. You're going to go through trials. And in those trials, you may say, "Well, I'm not happy." But it's never about you being happy.

God will never protect you from what was intended to perfect you. Let me say it again: God will not protect you from what was intended to perfect you. God's going to take you through some things because He's trying to grow you into the image and likeness of His son, Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all these things are working together for the good for those who love God and those who are called according to His purpose."

I Choose to Love You

When I go through my storm, I tell my wife, "Baby, we're going through the storm, but as long as I got you riding with me, I know it's tough right now, but Lord, I thank You that I got somebody who can roll with me through the storm."

Those times when you feel lonely and down, the Bible says when you're in the storm, turn your back to each other. And if we got to fight, at least we can fight together because you're in a faith fight. You're not always going to feel it, but it's not about your feeling.

I choose to love you. That's right. I choose to love you.

I'm flawed and you're flawed, and in our flaws, we're going to get God the glory.

As Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12, "I've asked you three times, Lord, to remove this thorn from my side." God said, "Son, my grace is sufficient, for in your weakness my strength is made strong."

Your Homework Assignment: Set Yourself Free

I have a homework assignment for you today. There are some people you haven't called in a long time to say, "I love you." Today, call them.

You're not asking for anything. You're not asking for forgiveness at this point. Just say, "I love you. You did the best you could with what you had."

Maybe it's: "Hey John, my brother, I apologize." "Hey Susie, please forgive me."

Three words. Set yourself free. No longer be in bondage. When their name is called, you won't flinch. You have set yourself free. You have let that thing go. You have given it to God.

I apologize. I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.

Get free. Get free.

For the Bible says, "Who the Son has set free is free indeed." No longer will you be in bondage to this person.

The Power of Biblical Communication in Marriage

If you want something different in your relationship, you have to do something different. Change begins with you. Recommit. Rededicate your life to Christ.

These three phrases, "I'm sorry," "I was wrong," and "I love you", aren't just words. They're acts of obedience. They're demonstrations of Christ's love working through imperfect vessels.

God wouldn't call you to marriage to leave you equipped with everything you need to thrive. But you have to be willing to:

1. Speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
2. Be transparent and vulnerable (Genesis 2:25)
3. Choose love as an act of will, not just a feeling
4. Seek joy, not just happiness through life's storms
5. Acknowledge your flaws and let God get the glory through them

Remember: communication in relationships isn't about being perfect. It's about being real. It's about loving your spouse enough to tell them the truth, humble enough to admit when you're wrong, and committed enough to keep choosing love even when feelings fade.

Prayer for Relationship Breakthrough

Father God, I thank You for Your son Jesus who died for me and rose for me, that I may have life and have it more abundantly. Holy Spirit, come into my life. Guide me, lead me, fill me. Help me to communicate with truth and love. Give me the courage to say "I'm sorry," the humility to admit "I was wrong," and the faithfulness to choose love every single day. I'll never be the same, in Jesus' name. Amen.

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