Rules of Engagement: God's Blueprint for Biblical Relationships

We Started at the Same Level (But Sin Changed Everything)

Genesis 1:27 tells us the foundation: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

See that word "THEM"? Initially, male and female were on the same level. God saw them as one unified creation, both bearing His image equally. But then sin entered the picture, and everything changed.

Genesis 3:16 reveals the consequences: "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy... and you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you."

Now this is Jomo's theology, so don't send me any angry emails!

Here's what I believe happened: God built leadership qualities into women naturally - she was designed to be exceptional. But sin introduced a struggle. There's now a fight in women to have control, but the consequence of sin was the loss of some control. If you don't understand you're dealing with the nature of sin, you'll keep fighting the same fight and wonder why your relationships keep failing.

Why Men Are Obsessed with Work (And What That Means for You)

Here's something that might blow your mind: God gave Adam WORK before He gave him a wife. Let me say it again - WORK came first, then the woman.

Genesis 2:15 says God put man in the garden "to work it and take care of it." This explains everything about the men in your life! A man finds his identity through his work and purpose.

Don't believe me? Look at the richest men in the world - Elon Musk, divorce. Bill Gates, divorce. Jeff Bezos, divorce. Why? Because a man can be successful at work but terrible at relationships if he doesn't understand how to balance both.

Here's a pearl I'm gonna drop on you: Most adultery happens with someone who respects a man - personal assistants, secretaries. Why? Because they give him what he craves most: RESPECT.

If he gets more respect outside the house than inside, guess where his heart's gonna lean?

Ladies, here's your practical takeaway: If you want to connect with your man, help him fulfill his purpose. Don't compete with his calling - join it! When you help him succeed in his purpose, everything you need comes with it.

The Helper Truth That'll Set You Free

Genesis 2:18: "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'"

Before you roll your eyes at that word "helper," let me educate you. The Hebrew word is "Ezer" - the SAME word used to describe God as our help. If God calls Himself a helper, how is that role diminishing to you?

But here's what's wild - Adam didn't even ASK for a wife! He was in the garden working, naming animals, minding his business. God looked at him and said, "He needs help, but he doesn't even know it!"

This is why, single ladies, sometimes you're wondering "Why doesn't he pursue me like that?" Because he's been used to being by himself! He's focused on his work, his purpose, his mission. You gotta help him see that he needs what you bring to the table.

Formed vs. Fashioned: Why Y'all Think So Differently

Here's something the church doesn't teach enough: Man was FORMED (like mud being shaped), but woman was FASHIONED (like fine furniture being carefully crafted).

This explains EVERYTHING! A man looks at an unmade bed and thinks, "It works - let's sleep." A woman sees the same bed and immediately knows how to make it better, more organized, more beautiful.

She's always going to see how to improve things because she's the finisher - she's a finished product. He's functional and practical; she's detailed and refined. Neither is wrong - they're just different by design!

The Conversation vs. Isolation Reality

Here's something that'll save your relationship: Men are refreshed in isolation, women are refreshed in conversation.

Even Jesus demonstrated this pattern. Mark 1:35 tells us He got up early and "went off to a solitary place where he prayed." Men need that cave time to recharge.

But look at the first conversation in the Bible - it wasn't between Adam and God. It was between Eve and the serpent! Why? Because she craved conversation and he wasn't providing it.

Here's the game-changer: If you want him to talk, engage him about what HE'S passionate about. "Babe, your favorite player got traded!" Watch how quickly he becomes chatty. "Hey, I saw that new car you like!" Boom - now he's talking your ear off.

You gotta find the categories that get him going, and then the rest flows naturally.

The Respect and Love Secret That Changes Everything

Ephesians 5:33 breaks it down: "Each man must love his wife... and the wife must respect her husband."

Notice the distinction:

• Men are COMMANDED to love (because it doesn't come naturally)
• Women are instructed to show RESPECT (because love comes naturally to them)

This isn't about being a doormat! This is about understanding how we're wired. Men are moved by respect and admiration. Women are moved by engagement and interaction.

I don't know if y'all realize this, but there's a shortage of good men out here! So how do you differentiate yourself? Often with your WORDS.

Sarah called Abraham "Lord" - AKA Big Daddy, Boss Man! You want something from your man? Talk to him right! The world's already gonna tear him down - at home, he should feel like a king.

My Charmaine Story: How She Won My Heart

Let me tell you about my wife Charmaine. When I met her in college, I had a lot of attention - that's a nice way of putting it. I was trying to figure out what to do with my life, and this girl did something that changed everything.

She called my mama and asked, "What does Jomo like to eat?" Then she showed up at the athletes' dining hall with a plate covered in foil and put it in front of me. I thought my mama made it, but she said, "No, I made that!"

I had to recalculate - she just got bonus points!

When I was injured, she almost flunked out of school taking me to therapy. When I said I wanted to open a barber shop, she said, "I'll go to beauty school." She didn't try to do her own thing - she joined MY vision.

Two visions equal division, y'all! When I had to choose, it wasn't even close. She made it clear that she was gonna help me get where God was calling me to go.

If You Want a Life Partner, You Need a Life

Here's some tough love: Don't tell me what you want if you're not bringing anything to the table. "He's gotta be this, and he's gotta be that..." But what are YOU bringing?

Do you have a job? A business? A vision? Some skills? The Proverbs 31 woman was a businesswoman - read chapter 31! She wasn't sitting around waiting for a man to complete her. A king looks for a queen, not just any woman.

Your Entrance Should Be His Elevation

Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."

Notice it says "wife," not just "woman." This means you should already be walking in the character and qualities of a wife BEFORE the relationship begins.

Your entrance into his life should be the entrance into his kingship. When the right person shows up, life should get BETTER, not more complicated.

In every man, there's a king and a fool. The right woman will speak to the king in him and draw it out. But here's the thing - you can't change a man, but you can inspire him to change himself by how you treat him and speak to him.

The Study Challenge That'll Transform Your Relationships

Here's why we have successful doctors and lawyers who are terrible spouses: They study to be doctors and lawyers, but they don't study how to be good partners!

You study for your career, your hobbies, everything else - but how much time do you invest in learning how to build healthy relationships?

If you study something, you get good at it. But most of us wing it when it comes to love and wonder why we keep failing.

The Jacked-Up-Ville Reality Check

My wife asked me, "Jomo, why doesn't everyone think like this?" I told her, "Baby, you speak from your paradigm - your parents have been married 50 years. That's all you know!"

But some of us were raised in "Jacked-Up-Ville" - anybody know what I'm talking about? Mama and daddy weren't married, you saw Uncle Johnny (who ain't really your uncle) coming and going, Aunt Nancy who ain't really your aunt.

If you've been programmed with "Don't trust men" and "Get your own," then you're gonna fight against God's design instead of flowing with it.

Change Begins With You

Here's the bottom line: Change begins with YOU. If you want something different, you gotta do something different. If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

Some of you know what to do but you're not doing what you know. Well, today's the day to change that!

Understanding God's design doesn't limit you - it frees you to love better, serve better, and build the kind of relationships that honor Him and fulfill you.

Your Next Steps Starting Today

1. Study the Word on relationships - don't just wing it
2. Examine your words - are you speaking life or death over your relationships?
3. Focus on what you bring to the table - develop yourself while you're waiting
4. Practice respect and honor - even in your current relationships
5. Join someone's vision instead of competing with it

Remember: Every unmet need WILL be met - the question is whether it'll happen in your house or outside your house. Understanding how God wired us differently helps us serve each other better.

Ladies: Help him fulfill his purpose, speak to the king in him, and watch how he rises to the occasion.

Fellas: Love her like Christ loved the church - with sacrifice, protection, and honor.

Both of you: Stop fighting God's design and start flowing with it!

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