Don't let offense change who you are

Offense is natural. Forgiveness is supernatural. When someone wrongs you, the hurt is real and the temptation to harden up is real, but God is asking you to do something you cannot do in your own strength. He is asking you not to let offense change who you are.

Offenses are coming and you can't get rid of them (Luke 17:1). An offense is when something happens, you feel wronged, and that wound goes unresolved until it turns into anger and bitterness. And we all fall short (Romans 3:23). Today I want to push into something harder. How do you keep loving people when loving them costs you something?

What does it mean to not let offense change you

Here's what I mean. You go to work and you speak to everybody. "Good morning. Good morning. Hey, good morning." But there's that one person who never says a word back. They just look at you crazy. Do it long enough and you know what happens? You stop speaking too.

So now they changed you. The offense rewired how you treat people.

That's the trap. When you let somebody else's coldness decide how warm you're going to be, you've handed them the controls. The better way is harder. "I'm going to love you in spite of you." I hope you have a great day, and I'm going to keep saying it whether you ever say it back or not.

Before we go further, a disclosure. This message is not about a woman or a man. It's about us. So don't elbow the person sitting next to you. God is talking about us.

What does the story of Hosea and Gomer teach us

Hosea 1:2 is where this gets uncomfortable. God told the prophet Hosea, "Go and marry a prostitute, so that some of her children will be conceived in prostitution."

Read it again. Some of her children. Not Hosea's. God set this man up for offense from the jump. Nobody wakes up planning to marry a streetwalker and raise kids who aren't his. If that were you, your first response would be, "Lord, this can't be my assignment. I'm living holy. You can't be talking to me."

But watch Hosea. No fasting for a loophole, no negotiating. He obeyed. That's radical obedience. It's when you know God's voice and you do it anyway, even when it doesn't please you.

Gomer gives him a son, then a daughter the text refuses to credit to Hosea, then another son. God even has Hosea name them as living prophecies, including Lo-Ammi, "not my people." This whole painful marriage is a picture. Israel kept chasing other gods, and God kept saying, "You're cheating on me."

Why do we chase everything except God

Here's the part that steps on toes. Hosea 2:5 has Gomer saying she'll run after her lovers because they give her food, water, clothing, and oil. She is selling herself for provision.

Let me ask the football fans something. Some of you will get up early for the game, find money for parking, concessions, and tickets, reorganize your whole Sunday around it, and still have nothing left for God and show up to church late. God is saying, "How did you figure all that out, but you can't figure out time for Me? You make a way for everything else, but not for Me."

When Gomer hit the street for a Big Mac and a happy meal, she was really telling God, "You can't provide for Me." But Philippians 4:19 says God will supply every need according to His riches in glory. Every time you chase substance instead of the Source, God is asking, am I not El Shaddai, the One who nourishes and supplies?

So here's a question that exposes who your God really is. Who do you call first when you're in trouble? Psalm 46:1 says God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. The first call you make in a crisis is a reflection of who you actually trust. Matthew 6:33 is the baseline. Seek first His kingdom, and everything else gets added.

How do you love people who keep hurting you

After Gomer goes back to the street, look at what Hosea does in Hosea 2. God says, "I'm going to start all over again. I'm going to take her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date. I'll court her. I'll give her bouquets of roses. I'll turn heartbreak valley into acres of hope."

He is choosing to treat her like she has never been through any of it.

I'll be transparent with you. After 30 years of marriage, if Charmaine didn't have forgiveness for me, I would not be standing on this stage. People see the fruit, but they don't see the work. Offense is natural. Forgiveness is supernatural. I cannot manufacture that kind of love on my own. I need God to do it in my heart.

First Corinthians 13 spells out what that love looks like, and one line stops me every time. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Here's our problem. We have a propensity to keep score on other people but never on ourselves. You document everybody else's sins while quietly cleaning up your own. You act like you've got no dirt, like your whole life has been perfect, and that's a lie. All of us have a past.

That's why I run slow now when somebody hurts me. Before I climb up into the judgment seat, God whispers, "Jomo, remember when this happened to you?" And just like that, I remember I'm not qualified to weigh anybody. Be careful trying to sit in the judgment seat, because Ephesians 4 says the measure you use is the measure that comes back to you. Let bitterness and wrath go, and forgive readily and freely.

Does God still love you after you fail

Hosea 3 takes it even further. God tells Hosea, "Go love your wife again," the wife who is in the bed of her latest boyfriend. Love her the way I love Israel, even as they flirt with every other god.

That is the gospel in one marriage. Second Timothy 2:13 says if we are faithless, He remains faithful, because faithfulness is His character. You will have consequences for your choices, but you will not run out of His love.

Let me put it in a language some of you understand. In the old Madden football games there was a 21-point rule. If you got up 21 points, you could hit reset and start the game over. God has no points. Whenever you decide to surrender, He lets you start all over. He washes your sin and throws it as far as the east is from the west, so far that He has no recollection of it. You'll say, "But Lord, You know what I did," and God says, "What are you talking about?"

Why does the devil keep reminding you of your past

Here's a revelation that will save you a lot of fights. When you decide to live for God, the enemy will try to remind you of who you used to be and what you used to do. The Bible calls him the accuser of the brethren.

So when those thoughts come at you out of your past, recognize the source. God doesn't bring up your past. If something is coming at you from back there, it is not from God. Once you've confessed it, the matter is settled, and you can say, "Get behind me, Satan."

Pride is what keeps us from receiving this. Pride says, "I don't deserve this, I won't forgive, I deserve better." Proverbs 16:18 says pride goes before destruction. Love says the opposite. "I forgive because God forgave me." So many relationships could have been saved if people had let go of pride and let God help them.

How many times do you forgive? Peter asked Jesus the same thing and offered seven, probably because he was already on number seven himself. Jesus said seventy times seven. In other words, stop keeping score, because I stopped counting yours. Colossians 3:13 says make allowance for each other's faults and forgive, because the Lord forgave you.

How does God clean up your past

Picture yourself as a vessel. We all came into this world carrying sin, because since Adam, all have sinned (Psalm 51). The good news is in Ephesians 5. The word translated "washing" carries the idea of soap. When you let the Word of God start working on the inside of you, it cleans you up.

That's why people who knew the old you keep saying you seem like a totally different person. You can tell them the truth. You met a man named Jesus, and His Word went to work on your life. Now when sin tries to creep back up, it can't do anything with you, because whom the Son sets free is free indeed. You confess, He cleanses, and you stay sealed in Christ.

Here's the best part. When God looks at you, He doesn't see your failures. He sees you through the lens of Jesus, who lives to make intercession for you. Your sin will never be greater than His blood, and that blood has never lost its power. We walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).

An invitation for you

So don't let your past beat you twice. You messed up, and Jesus says, "I can clean it up." Don't let who you used to be stop who God is calling you to be. Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future in Christ Jesus.

Whatever self-imposed prison you've locked yourself in, I declare it loosed today. Jesus stepped into your prison, pulled you out, and put Himself in your place.

Have you made Jesus your Lord and Savior? He is the way, the truth, and the life. Maybe you've been in a backslidden place, knowing what to do and not doing it. If you want something different, you have to do something different. Change begins with you.

You can pray this right now. "Father God, I thank You for Your Son Jesus, who died for me and rose for me, that I may have life and have it more abundantly. Holy Spirit, come into my life. Guide me, lead me, fill me. Jesus, I surrender my will and my way. I make You Lord of my life. In Jesus' name, amen."

Common questions

What is the meaning of the story of Hosea and Gomer?

God told the prophet Hosea to marry Gomer, an unfaithful woman, as a living picture of His relationship with Israel. Despite her repeated betrayals, Hosea kept pursuing and restoring her. The story shows God's unconditional, covenant love and His willingness to forgive and bring back people who have wandered away.

What does the Bible say about forgiving someone who keeps hurting you?

When Peter asked how often to forgive, Jesus answered seventy times seven, meaning stop keeping count (Matthew 18). Colossians 3:13 says to make allowance for faults and forgive because the Lord forgave you. Forgiveness does not erase consequences, but it refuses to keep score the way God refuses to count our sins.

Why does God allow consequences if He forgives us?

Forgiveness restores the relationship, but consequences remain part of living in a fallen world. Hosea forgave Gomer, yet the damage of her choices was still real. God's discipline is loving correction meant to grow your faith, not punishment that cancels His love. Psalm 103:10 says He does not deal with us as our sins deserve.

How do I stop letting my past define me?

Recognize that God does not bring up your past, the accuser does. Once you confess your sin, God removes it as far as the east is from the west and remembers it no more. Let the Word of God wash your thinking, and answer accusing thoughts with the truth that you are a new creation in Christ.