Don't Date What God Hates: 7 Relationship Red Flags Every Believer Should Know

Have you ever been in a relationship where everyone around you could see the problems except you? Your mama tried to warn you. Your friends pulled you aside. But you couldn't see it, or maybe you didn't want to see it. The red flags were waving right in front of your face, but you kept walking straight into the water anyway.

Today, I want to be your lifeguard. My goal is simple: I'm trying to save your life.

When lifeguards post double red flags at the beach, it means one thing, don't go in the water. Period. No exceptions. And when it comes to relationships, God has posted His own set of double red flags in Proverbs 6:16-19. These aren't suggestions or preferences. These are things the Lord actually hates. And if God, who is love itself, says He hates something, that's a really big deal.

So here's the principle I want you to remember: Don't date what God hates. Because if God hates it, it's not going to work out well for you.

The 7 Things God Hates in Relationships

Let's look at what Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us. The passage reads: "These six things the Lord hates, indeed seven are repulsive to Him: a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that creates wicked plans, feet that run swiftly to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who spreads discord among the brothers."

Now, I know what you're thinking, this sounds like a lot. But stay with me, because understanding these red flags could save you years of heartache.

Red Flag #1: The Proud Look

This is the person who overestimates themselves and discounts everyone else. They see all your mistakes. They magnify your flaws. But when you try to point out anything about them? Suddenly they can't see straight because they've got a plank in their own eye.

Jesus talked about this in Luke 6. He asked, "Why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye when you have a log in your own?" Translation: Why are you trying to fix me when you're the one who's jacked up?

Here's what I've learned: You don't want to be with someone who only sees what's wrong with you. Research shows that one of the keys to a lasting relationship is being with someone who loves you the way you are. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to put on a front.

Now, let me be clear, that doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself. Keep it tight, folks. But a healthy relationship means they receive you. Love covers all. When you truly love someone, you cover them instead of exposing them.

Red Flag #2: A Lying Tongue

How do you know if someone's lying? Let me show you how it sounds:

"What do you do for a living?" "I work." "Where do you work?" "Places." "Are you married?" "Not quite."

Either you're married or you're not. There's no "in between." There's no "it's complicated." And please don't tell me you're "entangled." You're entangled between somebody's legs, let me stop right there and focus.

Here's why lying is so serious: John 8:44 tells us that the devil is the father of lies. Every time you lie, you're acting like the devil. Now, I know that sounds harsh, but stay with me. God is truth (John 14:6). If you want to hear from God, you have to flow on the frequency of truth.

When you consistently lie, you get on the wrong wavelength. You start to hear lies instead of truth. The more you lie, the more your mind becomes reprobate, and eventually, you think the lie IS the truth.

A half truth is a whole lie. Say that to your neighbor.

Red Flag #3: Hands That Prey on the Innocent

If a person will hurt someone who did nothing to them, what do you think they'll do to you eventually? When you see someone attack an innocent person and you ask them why, and they respond with "I just felt like it", believe them. Because one day, they're going to feel like doing it to you too.

Maya Angelou said it best: "When people show you who they are, believe them." But often, people show us exactly who they are, and we say, "I can fix it." Then it happens to us, and we act surprised. But we knew. We just chose to ignore the red flags.

Red Flag #4: A Heart That Creates Wicked Plans

This is the person with crazy imaginations. "You know what I wish? I could just run them over." "Sometimes I want to choke people out."

Listen to what people say, because their words express what's in their heart. You've got to be careful here.

Red Flag #5: A False Witness

Notice that God mentions lying twice in this passage. That's how much He hates it. But there's a difference between these two. The first one is about lying in general. This one is about lying on people, bearing false witness.

The Bible says in the Ten Commandments: "You shall not bear false witness." A lot of people will talk about you but don't know you. The larger your circle gets, the more this will happen. But here's what the Bible says: If you have an issue with your brother, go to them. Don't talk about them, talk TO them.

I had a brother come to me last week. He said, "Pastor, I just want to make sure we're cool. I tried to get your attention one day, and you didn't see me. I thought you saw me, and it bothered me."

I said, "Brother, I repent. There were a lot of people there, and I may not have seen you in the crowd. I have no issue with you, and thank you for coming to me directly."

That's biblical. Matthew 5:23-24 says if you have an issue with your brother, leave your offering and go fix it. Most people don't do that. They talk about you instead of to you.

Red Flag #6: One Who Spreads Discord and Rumors

Socrates had a great response to gossip. A friend came to him and said, "I've got some juicy stuff to tell you about your friend."

Socrates said, "Wait. Before you tell me, there's a triple test. First, is it true?"

"Well, I'm not sure."

"So you're about to tell me something that may not be true about my friend. Second, is it beneficial to me?"

"No, it's not beneficial."

"Third, is it good for anybody?"

"No."

"So you don't know if it's true, it doesn't help me, and it's not good for anybody. You can keep it."

You do that one time, and people will stop coming to you with gossip. They'll know you're not the one.

God hates people who spread rumors because it causes discord among believers. Truth be told, if all your dirty laundry was on the street, you'd be real quiet. You'd want grace. But you don't want to give any.

Red Flag #7: The Critical Spirit That Never Admits Wrong

Matthew 7:1-5 lays this out perfectly. Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, or criticize their faults, unless you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging back to you.

It's easy to see the smudge on your neighbor's face and be completely oblivious to the ugly snare on your own face. Do you have the nerve to say, "Let me wash your face for you," when your own face is distorted with contempt?

The Bible says to wipe that ugly snear off your own face so you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Focus on you. Spend your time getting your own house clean before you start inspecting everybody else's.

The Lifeguard's Final Warning

When studying to be a lifeguard, I learned they have specific rules for saving someone who's drowning:

1. Get stable and try to reach them with a stick
2. If you can't reach them with a stick, throw something they can grab
3. The LAST thing you want to do is get in the water with them

Why? Because when a person is drowning, they will climb on you. And often, they will drown you in the process.

Some of you have jumped into sinking relationships. The person is drowning, and you jumped in thinking you could save them. But you weren't stable. So now they're climbing on you, and instead of saving them, they're killing you. You thought you were helping them, and they broke you.

You've got to be careful when you're trying to save people who don't want to be saved.

Rule number one: Get stable before you help anybody else. Make sure you help yourself first.

Stop Being Christ in Every Crisis

For some of you, I'm talking about more than romantic relationships. I'm talking about your adult kids. You keep giving them money. You keep bailing them out. But here's the challenge: A person can't grow if you always rescue them.

They're going to have to learn how to swim eventually. But love says, "I want to help. I've got it. I can do it."

Believer, if you help in every crisis, they'll never see Christ, because you became their Christ. They'll never look to God because you're always there. They'll never grow because you always rescue them.

You're not the Savior. Let me say it one more time: You are not the Savior. Jesus is.

Sometimes you're doing a good thing, but not a God thing. Did God tell you to do that, or are you just doing it because you feel like it?

My mother once told me, "Jomo, why does everyone come to me for money?"

I said, "Because your money keeps going out. If the money stops coming out, guess what? They're going to stop coming."

In every area of your life, be careful. There are some people who won't grow until you let go.

Think about it. When your baby was learning to walk, you stood next to them and helped them. But after a while, what did you do? You took your hands off. You let them try on their own.

Have you taken your hands off yet? Or are you trying to micromanage everything, trying to be God? And God is a jealous God.

What Red Flags Is God Showing You?

So I ask you today: What red flags is God giving you? What crisis do you need to get yourself out of?

I'm not saying don't help people. I'm saying when it becomes habitual, you need to examine the situation, and more importantly, examine yourself.

Stop being Christ in every crisis. Allow Christ to be Christ, and not you.

The double red flags are waving. Don't go in the water. Don't date what God hates. Because if He hates it, it's not going to work out for you.

Get stable. Get yourself right with God. Work on your own relationship with Jesus before you try to build a relationship with anyone else.

And remember: A person who truly loves you will love you the way you are. They'll cover you, not expose you. They'll speak truth, not lies. They'll build you up, not tear you down.

Those are the people worth fighting for. Everyone else? Let the lifeguard handle them.

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