How to stop being offended and live free

You have two choices in this life. You can live on offense, or you can live in offense. One of those will move you toward your breakthrough. The other one will keep you stuck. Today I want to talk to you about how to stop being so easily offended, because that one thing might be the very reason you have not seen God do what you have been praying for.

Pull your toes back, because they might get stepped on. You can say amen or you can say ouch. Either way, I love you.

Why are you so shocked when you get hit

I was preparing this word down in Jamaica when it came to me, and then I saw a clip that locked it in. It was a coach named John Gruden talking about Peyton Manning. If you do not follow football, here is the short version. Manning was the quarterback. He had the ball. He was close to scoring. Gruden was the coach trying to stop him, so he called an all-out blitz, basically sending everybody to crush him.

Manning saw it coming. He flashed a hand signal, made his adjustment, and scored anyway. Then he ran right past the coach and said, "Are you out of your mind?"

That is what I want for you. I want you to get to a place in your faith where when the enemy comes at you, you say, "I can't believe you tried me like that." If God is for you, who can be against you? When you understand you are on offense, you stop being surprised that you are getting attacked. The devil has a job too.

So why the mental breakdown every time something goes wrong? Life be lifing. That is not good English, and I know it, but you understand me. If you are alive, things are going to happen to you that are not fair, not right, and not just. That is not a special curse on you. That is called being in the game.

I mentor some pastors now. One called me on a Monday all torn up. The people were getting on his last nerve. Sheep bite, he said. They hurt his feelings, hurt his wife's feelings. I let him get it all out. Then I said, you asked me to help you grow your church and get more members. So if you are complaining about the few you already have, why would God give you more? Be careful what you complain about. Good days, bad days, sunny days, rainy days. You do not have to fall apart every time it rains.

The attack is a sign you are close

Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 16:9 that a great and effective door had opened to him, and there were many adversaries. Read that again. The opportunity and the opposition showed up together.

When you get close to the door of your breakthrough, expect all kinds of trouble to show up. So why are you tripping when the trouble comes? It should make you say hallelujah, because the enemy only blitzes you when he knows you are close. Do not read the attack as a sign you are losing. Read it as a sign you are about to score.

Any woman who has been in the delivery room knows this. When the baby is coming, the pain gets greatest right before the birth. So when you feel the most pressure, you might actually be on the verge of birthing your breakthrough. Stop complaining when you are close. Because when you start complaining, you start delaying.

Where offense actually comes from

Jesus said it plain in Luke 17:1. It is impossible that no offenses will come. These are His words, not mine. So if you get mad, do not get mad at me. Get mad at Jesus and see how that works out for you.

Offense is what happens when someone stumbles or sins and it pulls us away from where we should be. Left alone, it turns into bitterness, hatred, and damage on the inside. Here is the process. Something happens. Then I perceive it as wrong. Then I take offense, and notice the word take. You do not have to take it that way. You choose to take it that way. Then I become offended, and that unresolved offense grows into anger, resentment, and bitterness.

And it does not even take much. Sometimes it is what people said about us. Sometimes it is what they did not say. How many times have you gotten heated over something you believe somebody said, gone to confront them, and found out they were not even thinking about you? People be lying. So now you are all up in your feelings over something that never happened.

Here is the part I want you to sit with. When you overreact to an act, it usually was not the act. It was something before the act. Have you ever tried to be nice to somebody and they came back at you sideways? It was not you. It was who hurt them before you. They had a chance to deal with their pain, they did not deal with it, and now they are guarded against the next person. So you are catching smoke from a fire you did not set.

That is a word right there. You did not do anything to them, but you remind them of what happened to them. So if you are single, make sure you and the person you are dealing with are both healed. We keep walking into new relationships bleeding on each other.

There is a quote from a man named Karl Popper that nails it. He said it is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood. There will always be somebody who hears you through their pain. They did not receive what you actually said. They received it through their hurt.

Stop pretending you have never offended anybody

Now before you get self-righteous, let me check us both. Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 says do not take seriously everything that is said, so that you do not hear your servant cursing you. Then it adds, because you know in your own heart that you have cursed others many times.

Stop acting holier than you are. You get mad that they talked about you. Guess what? You were talking about them too. Last night you were in your bed saying, did you see what she had on, those pants were too tight. Bruh, did you see that? We all talk. We all fall short. Romans 3:23 says all have sinned and keep falling short of the glory of God. Isaiah 53:6 says all of us like sheep have gone astray, every one turning to his own way, and the Lord laid all of it on Jesus.

So if God is not holding your sins against you, who are you to hold somebody else's against them?

People ask me why I walk in so much grace. It is because I know my junk. I have a real life and I did some real things. I have gotten out of beds I should not have been in. I have been places I should not have been. So I need grace, and because I know how much grace God gave me, I can hand it out. You do the math on your own life and you will loosen your grip on everybody else.

You are responsible for your response

Here is the part nobody wants. You are responsible for your response. Nobody made you cuss them out. Listen to how that even sounds. "Don't make me." How are they going to make you? "You're going to make me give you a piece of my mind." No, you have already given away too many pieces. Hold on to the little piece you have left. We do not need it.

Proverbs 19:11 says good sense makes a person slow to anger, and it is to their glory to overlook an offense. So your maturity is measured by your ability to overlook stuff. If you bring up every single thing that bothers you, that is a sign you are still a baby Christian. And as long as there are people, there will be problems. Wherever there is a person, there is a problem. Hang around long enough and you will find it, because every one of us has something we are still working on.

So why give useless energy to it? I tell my family, do not give it the energy. When you keep talking about the issue, you are feeding it. The longer you sit there, the more of your energy you hand over. And you are not even changing the other person. Stop giving your energy away to something that is not moving.

Confront and crucify

So how do you actually navigate this? Two moves. Confront and crucify.

Confront means you go talk to the person. The problem is we do not want to talk to people, we want to talk about people. Matthew 18:15 says if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. Alone. Not with Sister Susie on the phone hearing all your business.

Here is what usually happens instead. They do a little something. You say nothing. They do it again. You say nothing. Again, nothing. Then on the last one you blow up and give them everything you have been holding. You blew up because you never confronted it. You let it ride and let it ride until you exploded. Because what you do not confront, you condone. When you let it keep happening, you are telling them you are fine with it, even while you are dying inside.

So get it off you early. "Hey, when you said that, I took it a certain way and I want to make sure that's what you meant." Maybe you misheard. Maybe they were raggedy. Either way, now you know. Proverbs 18:19 says a brother offended is harder to win than a strong city. Once somebody is offended, it is hard to win them back, so deal with it before they get there.

Now the second move. Crucify. Sometimes you are offended because your flesh is not dead yet. Galatians 2:20 says I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. When you walk in the Spirit, you will not carry out what the flesh wants, because the Spirit is not offended.

So here is your reality check. Every time you take an offense, it is an indicator that your flesh is stronger than your spirit right now. When you get squeezed, the real you comes out. You can be saying hallelujah all day, but slam your finger in a car door and we will find out what is really in there. I slammed mine more than once and trained myself to say "Glory to God" instead. My son asked me how I did that. I told him I conditioned my flesh to speak life even when it hurt.

Galatians 5:19-23 lays it out. The works of the flesh are sexual immorality, idolatry, hostility, jealousy, anger, division, envy, drunkenness, and the rest. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You do not see offense anywhere in that fruit. When you are walking in the Spirit, you cannot carry those bags.

And this is daily. The Lord's Prayer says give us this day our daily bread. Not this month. This day. So every morning you wake up, you crucify the flesh again. Some days you will do it once. Some days fifteen times before lunch.

Those who love God are not easily offended

I want to give you the verse that has been my daily medicine for about four years. Psalm 119:165. Those who love Your law have great peace, and nothing causes them to stumble. The older translation says they shall not be offended.

So every time I am living in offense, I am really saying I do not love God the way I claim. That one drops the mic. I started reading it to myself when I was getting attacked over silly stuff, people calling me just a motivational speaker, just the billboard pastor. My little brother almost handled one of them for me. I told him no. God told me, Jo, you are dealing on the wrong level. Get off the devil's level. Go to the book and read it to yourself.

So I read it to myself every day during a faith fight. Those who love the Lord shall not be offended. There is no extra to it. Either I love God or I do not. I will be honest with you, I have some tendencies in me I am still letting Jesus redeem. So this verse is not me preaching at you from a clean place. It is me doing it for myself first.

Learn from the woman who refused to be offended

Look at Matthew 15:21-28. A Canaanite woman comes to Jesus crying out because her daughter is tormented by a demon. And Jesus does not answer her a word. He ignores her. The disciples ask Him to send her away. Then He tells her He was sent to the lost sheep of Israel, basically, "I didn't come for you." It gets harder. She kneels and He says it is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs.

He just called her a dog. A lot of us would have lost it right there. Take this off, I am done. But watch her response. She says, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table." And Jesus says, "Woman, great is your faith. Let it be done for you as you desire." Her daughter was healed that very hour.

If anybody had a right to be offended, it was her. She got ignored, put back in line, and called a dog. She took none of it personally and she got her breakthrough. So let me ask you. Could you be the one holding up your own breakthrough, stuck in your feelings because you are offended? She sat still and said yes, Lord. She knew she needed Him and He did not need her. Some of you have not gotten your answer because you cannot stop running your mouth long enough to receive it.

Master confession and forgiveness

Two things you have to master if you want to walk free.

First, confession. You have to be able to admit when you are wrong. "I'm sorry that I offended you." 1 John 1:9 says if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us. Cleansing does not happen until confession. God cannot fix what you will not admit. That is why the enemy wants to keep you in the dark feeling like you are winning while you are getting whooped. The doctor cannot treat what you will not tell him.

Second, forgiveness. Just as much as you want somebody else to confess, you have to have the capacity to receive an apology. When you refuse, you start nurturing the hurt. You keep telling the story, you know what they did to me, you know what that did to me. When you nurture a hurt, it becomes a stronghold, and a stronghold keeps you stuck in that spot.

Here is the key thing. When you stay offended, it does not hurt them. Matthew 6:14-15 says if you forgive others, your Father will forgive you, but if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you. So your unforgiveness interferes with your relationship with God and hinders your own prayers. You think you are punishing them. You are only hurting yourself, and now the prayers you are praying are not getting answered.

So if you do not master confession and forgiveness, you are a non-factor in this fight. If you do not confess, He cannot cleanse you. If you do not forgive, you cannot be forgiven. But this is grown folk stuff. "I messed up. My bad. Can you forgive me?" "Absolutely." There should never be an "I don't know if I can forgive you," because God never said that to you.

Let it go and be free

Let me bring it home with five things.

Offenses are going to come. We all fall short. You are responsible for your response. Confront the issue and crucify your flesh. And finally, let it go.

I am going to sit in this with you for several weeks because I want all the poison out. I want the bitterness and the anger out, because it is only hurting you. Offense gives you a counterfeit feeling of righteousness. You feel right because they wronged you. That is the trap. While you hold the offense, you are interfering with what God wants to do for you, and you are delaying your own breakthrough.

So I want you free. John 8:36 says whoever the Son sets free is free indeed. No more chains, no more strongholds.

Maybe you are reading this and you have never made Jesus the Lord of your life. Today can be the day. Maybe you know exactly what to do and you just have not been doing it. You can come back today. This is not a perfect place and I am not a perfect man, but I serve a perfect God who helps imperfect people. If you want something different, do something different. Pray this with me. Father God, I thank You for Your Son Jesus, who died for me and rose for me that I might have life and have it more abundantly. Holy Spirit, come into my life. Guide me, lead me, fill me. Jesus, I make You my Lord. Amen.